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'The leadership stems from several factors' - LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE Essay for Chevening

Phoowadon 5 / 26 11  
Oct 16, 2016   #1
Please help me to correct and revise the leadership question below, thanks.

1. Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leader ...

I always believe that an individual is born a leader. Yet the leadership somehow stems from several factors which depends on a good upbringing, a different surrounding, various professions, and leisure in which people usually follow their interests. Fortunately, I am confident that having all of these factors have trained and recruited me as a problems solver, proving that being a leader as I have grown up is my lifestyle.

My family has always instilled positive attitudes during my childhood and supported me to use talents and skills. When I was sixteen, I went to the USA by participating the American Field Service (AFS) scholarship as an exchange student. During a one year - oversea surrounding, where I battle against homesickness and pressure allowed me to present the leadership through a public speech, and most of high school's activities. In 2002, Switzerland was my second abroad, as the international agricultural students. There were trainees from more than ten countries stayed together and worked in a huge horticultural farm. After I had settled and get used to the farm work, my leadership skills was honed intensively among fellows. I did not only build a trust by hard working, but also a relationship in a free time, leading to better level work outputs. Once a massive crop salad order was arriving, my peers were looking at me for guidance, so I attempted to use this chance to show my intuition by doing a brainstorming to approach a target. Finally, we completed that task on time. It was my pride of being able to inspire my team to reach the same goal though we have had such different backgrounds.

A year before getting a full - time job, I worked as a local guide for a travel agency, taking tourists to Koh - Tao islands for trips. Two months before I quitted this job, the travel company had expected me to provide on the job training for new employees in order to get ready to replaces my position. Developing others caused me to build influence effectively, generating enthusiasm for a hard work and responsibility. It was accomplished that showing my commitment was not only to encourage their job prospects, but also to enhance their productivity.

Although some people prefer to sharpen their leadership skills seriously, I as an activist would sometimes spend my leisure to active this skill. A basketball club at a campus where I work has nominated me as a supervisor which I enjoyed it so much because I have played basketball with students daily. I have played an important role for the campus's basketball team as well as my music appreciation which unexpectedly attract a group of good musical skilled - students. Yet they had no idea how to perform outstandingly. This allowed me to form up an acoustic band, and trained them over and over for the best performance. We were subsequently has been well known and employed for wedding ceremonies, in addition, students also received their proudly worthy income.
arian IB 2 / 2 3  
Oct 18, 2016   #2
Punctuation editing is needed

in the following sentence after yet a comma is used as it is coming in the begging of the sentence.
Yet, the leadership somehow stems from ...

I as an activist would sometimes spend my leisure to active this skill
In my Idea if the above sentence be written as the following, would be better
I as an activist spent my leisure to grow this skill.
here if the activist is also identified as civil activist or ...

A basketball club at a campus where I work, has nominated me as a supervisor, which I enjoyed it so much becauseis enjoyable very much.

some changes are needed and "so "as intensifier should be replaced with very.

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