hi all . thats my essay for answering
Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer
i need to know is it clear ? and grammar mistakes ?
-----
during my third year of college i started to participate in civil work as model of European union in Alexandria library (meu) I was one of the executives and leader of a group that was responsible for making a survey and research about elections and different parties in Egypt after the revolution . in my team i was responsible for give each one a task , set timeline for the project and made a presentation at the end about our project steps and society view .as one of the leaders the role contributed to my social life as I had the opportunity to relate with many people and I made me learned some valuable leadership skills.as our important role in this model that everyone can change the reality and have the power to influence the society so our main goal was to help the team members to be more effective and improve their personal skills and growth to be effective part in the society . also i was volunteering at elhelm group for helping poor people , working in kitchen and participate with the organizers to make cycle event for charity .
volunteering in this two projects was the best thing i done it helped me to improve and strengthen my leadership skills and qualities : to be a good listener , work in teams , make decisions , to be better public speaker and the most important boost my confidence .
after i graduated my working as secretary and accountant has made me deal with many different types of people and was responsible for setting appointments , meeting clients , and recruiting new employees .
So by this opportunity in chevening community i will learn from the best and use those skills to influence my country
Sarah, this is definitely not an essay that you should even consider submitting to the Chevening committee. The formatting is horrible (refer to the problem you have with using capital letters), the overall language used is more in terms of undergraduate rather than masters level writing, and the content, is best used for common app college application essays. In other words, and I am really hurt to have to say this but, your essay is a total mess that needs a lot of work before it can even become a proper draft for a Chevening application. Please don't be mad, you need to hear the truth so that I can help you fix the essay :-)
First of all, you need to realize that a leadership essay is always at its most effective when the applicant can portray real world applications for his leadership. That means, you need to have been in full charge of the situation, of which the results had some real time application either in your workplace or in a relevant socio-civic undertaking on your part. The example of leadership that you presented is really far too academic in nature and does not allow you to present yourself as a community or workplace leader whose influence helped to improve a situation.
Second, your work as a secretary is really irrelevant in this instance. Specially since you only offered a summary of your job description, which did not include any potential for leadership and influence on your part. So that information only weakened the content of your essay.
Finally, please try to remember that you are writing an academic paper and making it sound like you are just answering a Tweet or updating your Facebook status gives a very bad impression of you to the reviewer. Try your best to use an academic tone and deliver relevant information in the essay. Concentrate on work related leadership and influence whenever you can or use proper extra curricular activities that relate to the two as examples of your leadership skills.
So in answer to your question, no, the essay is not clear and yes, there are numerous grammar errors that need to be dealt with. However, the grammar problems can wait to be corrected because the first thing you need to accomplish is clarifying the important leadership and influence skills you have in the statement.
