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(learning english) - write about a time when "hard work" paid off


madilla 2 / 12  
Sep 25, 2011   #1
Learning English - Write about a time when "hard work" paid off.

Five years of hard work invested into the English language.

Yellow dictionary lying on the floor, waiting to be looked at but never seemed important until the day single tears filled up the bed like a river. Every day I would go to school sitting in my desk when the pretty little girls sitting next to me would ask me to say a word and then turn around and giggle at the word said. I would always wonder what was so funny. This was until one day when my closest friend told me that it was because I did not know how to speak English, and my other classmates doubted my ability to learn. Their discouraging remarks included telling me that I might as well stop trying to speak it.

I ran home crying my eyes out and finally opened the book, going through every word, asking every family member to help me enunciate words, spending hours at the library reading books to help build my vocabulary, and having flash cards wherever I went. If learning english meant staying up every night until the sun came up, then that is what I did. Little steps every day like learning words around my house, how to say "room, bathroom, kitchen," food I ate and animals, and using them in sentences led me to where I am today. Knowing that all my hard work paid off is the greatest satisfaction to my personal accomplishments. After all, that same yellow dictionary still lays in my room, but on a special shelf, looking at college words.
ohayohsiao 2 / 4  
Sep 25, 2011   #2
Hi :)

Your story has good content, but you have many grammatical errors. I would recommend reading it outloud so you can find out for yourself what sounds correct and what needs editing.

"Yellow dictionary book" is a little redundant, "yellow dictionary" would suffice.

Also, your sentences are extremely long. You want them to vary in length.

Good luckk
OP madilla 2 / 12  
Oct 2, 2011   #3
thank you :)
AnnaBanan 1 / 2  
Oct 15, 2011   #4
"single tears filled up the bed like a river." change the bed to my bed

"how to speak English, and my" get rid of comma

"I ran home crying my eyes out and finally opened the book, going through every word, asking every family member to help me enunciate words, spending hours at the library reading books to help build my vocabulary, and having flash cards wherever I went." try to cut this down to 2 sentences

"Little steps every day like learning words around my house, how to say "room, bathroom, kitchen," food I ate and animals, and using them in sentences led me to where I am today." passive tense


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