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Life is like riding a bicycle. Check for me this Letter of Introduce


Minh Minh 1 / 1  
Mar 12, 2017   #1
Hello everyone, Please check this essay for me. Thank you so much

constantly in motion



Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. You never know where will you go next and when will you stop if you do not previous plan and ambition for the future. I was born in a small poor village which is almost rice, so I understand why is important to learn. When I grew up, after years of thought and exploration, I am determined to devote my whole life to Earth Science. Because of many reasons, specially, I would like to explain strange phenomenon, mystery of earth, and gradually I am attracted by geochemistry, solid waste treatment and management, water and wastewater treatment and management. In my country, waste treatment from factories, houses, nature are enormous challenges. I really want to contribute my power to solve these issues. Moreover, my dream of becoming a scientist dates back to my childhood. Even as a youngster, I was curious about the world around me and I like freedom. That are main seasons which I chose Vietnam National University, Hanoi University of Science after graduated high school in my village. My University is the best University about fundamental earth science in Vietnam.

During my undergraduate study at Hanoi University of Science, Vietnam, I focused my efforts on the fundamentals and methodologies of environmental geochemistry and environmental geology, especially in analysis as well as heavy metals characteristics, solid waste, natural hazards, wastewater treatment .... Also, I studied a minor in Geological Engineering to enhance my understanding on which kind of soil for elements in soil, water, sediment transporting best and worth. With the tender passion of research, I studied scientific success reports in Scientific research student program 2015 with topic "Analysis and determination of natural filled material in embankment construction and comments on Hai Hau sea dike, Nam Dinh Province" It was my first paper about Geological engineering. After 1 year since I published it, I had taken part in Scientific research student program 2016 with topic "Study on environmental geochemistry of some heavy metals in surface sediments (0 - 30 cm) in intertidal Da Loc commune, Hau Loc District, Thanh Hoa Province". It helped me possesses a general vision about environmental geochemistry and I am able to understand more characteristic of heavy metals with impacts to human health, environment, creatures. Before I graduated my University, I had a half of year (from January to June, 2016) to study for bachelor thesis with topic "Study on geochemistrical characteristics in sediment environment of tidal flat in relationship with mangrove in Da Loc commune, Hau Loc district, Thanh Hoa province. Devoted and hardworking, I achieved an overall GPA of 3.65/4.0 (93/100), ranked me the unique excellent student in my department. In recognition of my consistent excellence, I was decorated with many honors and scholarships for consecutive years, including the Excellent Student Honour, PetroVietnam scholarship, Vietnam young typical face 2016, and many others certificate of merits.

I graduated my university at the end of June, 2016, after that I have worked as a researcher at Vietnam on Karst and Heritage, Vietnam Institute of Geoscience and Mineral Resources since July, 2016. I have participated in many projects in different field such as Study on caving sediment characteristics in several North regions of Vietnam to explain paleoclimate in late Pleistocene - Holocene (backwards 30 million years); studying potential of Cao Bang province to establish Geopark....Thank to the experiences and skills from my university, I can access quickly these work. I also have hobby about discovering cave. I and Japanese cavers had a short trip in Cao Bang province for 6 days to discover and survey several mysterious caves. In January, 2017, I joined in a field trip with professors from Taiwan to study sediments and stalagmites, stalactites for a week. That was new experience I have never known before.

I am growing up in research through study from projects, and now I would like to pursue Master research followed by careers in academia. I expect that research-intensive Master training here will help me be well prepared for careers in geological research, wastewater treatment or solid waste treatment.

Why choose University of Ulsan? Are you just indulged in the fame or really aware of its uniqueness for you? These are good questions asked not only by my friends but also by myself. To me, graduate studies should be both intellectually exhilarating and challenging. But to decide which school to attend is never an easy job. Keeping this in mind, I analyzed carefully all the prospective schools, programs as well as my strength and desires. Finally I found diverse answers to the questions above: First, the opportunities for researching of your Master program, provide me with ready access to strong skills about research, theory and practice crucial for a young scientist like me. Moreover, the department of Civil & Environmental Engineering on your campus, contains a number of laboratories which are suitable with my major. Further, the interaction with your excellent students from different cultural, economic, and educational backgrounds will help me to improve and raise knowledge. But what captured my interest most of all is the manner in which the distinctive studies in Ulsan would fit into my academic and research plan. Instead of being simply a random follower of reputation, I am now proud of knowing exactly what I need and what I want to achieve.
jc05 3 / 5 2  
Mar 12, 2017   #2
ou never know where will you go next and when will you stop if you do not previous plan and ambition for the future.

Hi Minh,

I got the thought of your essay but I find missing words in your first paragraph to be more understandable. And try to consider paraphrasing to make it clear and and easy for the reader to review your essay.

example I was born in a small poor village which is almost rice, so I understand why is important to learn.

Try to separate this two because they are not related. Try to separate the latter part and elaborate why its important to learn.

Thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Mar 12, 2017   #3
Minh, your letter of introduction sounds like you used an online translator for it. The first paragraph is totally difficult to understand because of the missing connector words and subjects in sentences. In order to create a coherent paragraph, you need to focus on the required discussion for it. So in this paragraph, discuss the background of your family, aside from giving the reviewer a description of your village and how these elements combined to create a career related point of view about life for you. Remove the reference about life being like a bicycle ride. It is irrelevant to the presentation. You just threw that in for the sake of trying to create an impressive opening statement, which you failed to do because of the lack of logic in the presentation of your information.

In the second paragraph, in relation to the article published, is that something that you wrote or something that you read? There are 2 conflicting statements in that paragraph that further confuse the reviewer. By this point, due to the problems in the way that you express yourself, the reviewer will most likely lose interest in reading the rest of your application. So focus on fixing your content presentation. Aim for coherence and cohesiveness instead of drama and effect. Drama and effect does not have any place in an academic essay, specially a scholarship application.

About the cave discussion, it is not really interesting to know about. Mainly because you did not manage to connect the importance of this activity with your profession and future career plans. If you cannot develop it into a more integral representation of something in your essay, just skip that discussion.

It sounds like you are applying for the KGSP through the university track. Just because you are using a different method of application does not mean that you should skip representing the motivation for your studies in Korea and your reasons for wanting to complete you MS degree there. The reasons why you chose the university should be independent of the other 2 earlier discussion requirements of the essay. Try to integrate those 2 missing elements in the overall discussion as well.

I have given you some idea as to how you can better represent your prompt responses in this essay. However, I cannot tell you which parts to delete at this point. That is something that you should be able to identify based upon the important elements I have asked you to take note of. I look forward too reading your revision.
mastindersingh 2 / 7 2  
Mar 12, 2017   #4
@Minh Minh
It is not easily understandable and there are a lot of repetitions of words, incorrect use of proposition and spelling mistake.

That are main seasons = That is main reason
the tender passion of research

It helped me possesses a general vision ...
OP Minh Minh 1 / 1  
Mar 12, 2017   #5
@jc05
Thank you so much

@Holt
Thank you so much

@mastindersingh
Thank you so much


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