My life has been much less of a straight line ; Peace Corps/ Different cultures

So to apply for the peace corps I need to write two essays.

The first is about my reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer; and How these reasons are related to your past experiences and life goals.

The second is supposed to be a description of an experience I have had in living or working in a social or cultural environment different from my own.

These are posted below. I would appreciate any help you can give to make them better.

ESSAY #1:

Originally I am from a small town in Arkansas but grew up primarily in Washington, DC. I graduated from a local high school and attended college in Georgia where I received a degree in Fine Arts. Most of my friends went into sciences or the law, then went right into their careers and got married. As an artist my life so far has been much less of a straight line. I have taken many more turns and switchbacks. Because of this however I have held many different jobs both in the film and television world and outside of it. I have made films, edited the evening news, and put on shows down on the national mall. I have worked alongside people from all walks of life and many different cultures and found I could learn quite a bit just by being around people different from myself.

It was on a trip to Jamaica this summer though that I felt a sudden and violent need to branch out further and experience a culture completely different from my own. It seemed with just a little guidance their plight could be so easily lessened. It would also be a challenge, and I like a good challenge, especially one where I would be doing something to help others. In addition it would be highly beneficial to learn a whole new way of life in order to be able to better appreciate my own way of life. I want to help others while fully immersing myself in their culture, beliefs, and daily lives.

I have traveled to a number of foreign countries and while everyone else seems to always notice how different things are; all I can see is how very similar everyone is when you really get right down to it. We are all much more alike than most people realize. I saw this everywhere; Italy, the Caribbean, Greece, France, China, Turkey. It is only the window dressing that sets us apart; at the core everyone has the same hopes, needs and desires. I would like to do whatever I can to bridge that gap between us and make our similarities more apparent.

After meeting a former Peace Corps volunteer and doing some research, I decided that the Peace Corps would be the best way to do this. I believe that volunteering overseas would be a very meaningful experience that would be mutually beneficial to wherever I am working. I would also be honored to represent my country in such a noble pursuit. It seems like a goal well worth pursuing and I don't want to miss it. In the future, I hope to be able to use the wisdom and understanding I gain in my daily life as well as pass it onto others and hopefully broaden their perspectives as well.

Essay #2:

Having grown up in Washington I was confronted with different cultures rather early on in my life. There were always kids from far off countries in my classes and I routinely ran into foreign nationals on the streets as we lived so near embassy row. Interacting with people of other cultures became more or less normal I would say.

The best example of actually working in a cultural environment different than my own however would therefore have to be when I worked on a Bollywood movie. The cast and most of the crew were Indians and they had some very different ways of doing things. Their standards varied from what I was used to and I know my own were as puzzling to them as well. They were also Hindu and vegetarian which meant there was no meat at the meals and primarily Indian food was served, which was fine with me as I enjoy Indian food. There was also a much greater stigma on things such as kissing and when we actually filmed one of these for the movie it was considered by them to be a significant event. There were also differences in what was perceived that the Indian audiences would enjoy which led to some really interesting conversations as we tried to figure out how to make a movie with so many elements we were unfamiliar with. In all though I found it a good experience and learned a lot about their culture and even some of their language although I would be hard pressed to remember it now.

This was a lesson to me about understanding a different point of view, without judging it, and I think I did alright. The best way I found to deal with something I didn't understand was simply to ask them to explain where they were coming from and usually that was enough for us to come to an understanding. Some of these conversations were uncomfortable but became opportunities to expand my understanding of not only their beliefs, but my own as well. Sometimes I was wrong, sometimes I was right, but with each conversation I learned more about their culture and came to respect their perspective.

I believe the insight into new perspectives I will encounter with the Peace Corps, will again offer me that opportunity to communicate and learn about other people. This in turn I hope will allow me the opportunity to better myself.

Here are some of my ideas for your first essay

=>(delete originally) I am from a small town in Arkansas but grew up primarily in Washington, DC. I graduated from a local high school and attended college in Georgia where I received a degree in Fine Arts.(I delete a sentence here, you don't need to mention about your friends). As an artist...

=>... Because of this; however, I have held many...(punctuation)

=>I have worked alongside people from all walks of life and many different cultures, and I have realized that I could learn quite a bit just by being around people who are different from myself.

It was on a trip to Jamaica this summer though that I felt a sudden and violent need to branch out further and experience a culture completely different from my own (This sentence need to revise, maybe, I don't get "violent need" mean)

=>It seemed with just a little guidance; their plight could be so easily lessened.
=>It would also be a challenge, especially when I tried hard to help others...(I don't think "good challenge" would be fitted in the sentence because we don't have good or bad challenges,maybe we can have major or minor challenges)

=>In addition, it would be highly beneficial (punctuation)
=>...myself in their cultures, beliefs, and daily lives
=>...while everyone else seems to always notice how different things are, I can see how very similar everyone is when you really get right down to it.

=>It seems like a goal well worth pursuing, and I desire to join in

Thanks you very much for your insights. Do you, or anyone else for that matter, have any suggestions about the second essay?

Try to be more efficient by using fewer words when it will not detract from the meaning. Like this:

Having Growing up in Washington, I was confronted with faced different cultures rather early on in my life. There were always kids from far off countries in my classes, and I routinely ran into foreign nationals on the streets as we lived so near embassy row. Interacting with people of other cultures became more or less normal I would say. At the end, I cut out that whole sentence so that the reader could draw the conclusion on her own.

My favorite sentence: This was a lesson to me about understanding a different point of view, without judging it, and I think I did alright.--- this conveys a lot of positive energy, I think.

I think your conclusion deserves to be longer, with more discussion of the implications! :-)