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"My life the way i want it" GKS-U Scholarship Personal Statement


leo0528 1 / 4  
Sep 2, 2022   #1

Scholarship Personal Statement



I'm applying for the next year's GKS-U scholarship and I would like to know if my personal statement is good enough!
i tried to respond to every question they ask, as it follows:

Motivations with which you apply for this program
Family and Education background
Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you


Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.


As someone whose mother suffers from a chronic condition, I could always see her anguish sometimes when she is unable to do what she would like to do and how this lack of freedom affects her mental health. Therefore, my parents always encouraged me to take risks and consider every opportunity in life because we never know what lies ahead of us in the future. With that in mind, before deciding on a major, I had many experiences in varied fields during high school such as programming a basic-learning game for kids, dissecting animals in the laboratory, and even projecting a low-cost thermometer with Arduino. Political science, on the other hand, has had my heart racing since my freshman year of high school. When I first met my geography teacher, he showed me my performance in the geopolitics section of the last High School general exam we had in our school and he made me realize how good I was in it, and as close as we got, I started talking with him and getting further reading recommendations about geopolitics.

Later on, I began attending meetings with my Geography and Sociology teachers, as well as some classmates, to discuss global politics and its current topics in addition to social debates. These teachers took me to the profession fair at the University of São Paulo, the country's top university, where I could talk to Political Science and International relations students, attend lectures and become more involved in the field. All of these experiences have resulted in a high score in Brazil's National High School Exam (ENEM) essay, where I received an 800 out of 1000. This is a higher score than roughly 70% of the other participants. More than 3.1 million students participated in total.

Despite my interest in Korean Culture, I had never thought about mixing my academic life with my particular interests. In fact, when I first began studying the Korean Language, I had no academic goals in mind. Nevertheless, that changed when a friend of mine, a Korean Culture enthusiast, moved to South Korea on a scholarship and I learned about the GKS program. Since then, I've realized more than ever that culture can have a significant impact on a person's life and an entire nation. Hence, it is my ambition to work as an ambassador at the Brazilian embassy in South Korea. I believe that by representing my country in Korea, I can invest in cultural exchange between the two countries and strengthen their relationships, as stated by the Korean Consulate in Brazil, "The Consulate General will work hard to promote Korea-Brazilian relations", and I want to take part in this process, which will result in economic growth for both countries.

After two years of studying Korean on my own, I decided to enroll in Sejong Institute classes at the Korean Culture Center near my house, where I earned a level 4 certificate. During the same semester, I competed in the Korean Speaking Contest held by the Korean Education Institute in São Paulo, and I was chosen as one of the fifteen best participants for the final round, receiving an honorable mention. This achievement marks my start with the Intermediate level of Korean, as I was able to attend level 5 the following semester and improve my conversation skills as it was the first time I had offline Korean classes.

During my gap year after graduating from High School, I had the marvelous experience of traveling to South Korea to further my Korean language skills at the Rolling Korea language school. I felt a significant improvement in my daily conversation and communication skills after studying through the Sogang University Language Institute system, and at the end of the course, I received a certificate for level 3B, making me an intermediate-level student capable of achieving at least level 3 on the TOPIK test at a high score or even level 4. It was fascinating to realize how politics can also influence the cultural aspects of a nation's population. For example, Koreans are known around the world for being respectful and responsible, which is due in part to the country's history and politics, which shaped the Republic of Korea's society as it is now because decisions made back then affected people's way of life, even if indirectly, which is different from how Brazilian people act since both countries' histories are very different. This exchange program was beneficial to my language learning process as well as fathoming how life works in South Korea, being independent, learning how to deal with problems on my own, and recognizing the sacrifices I would have to make to live there while studying. Now that I'm back in my home country, I'm continuing my studies in an academy and have begun volunteering every week to help refugees in the Reference Center and Assistance for Immigrants run by my city's government, where my role is to advise people from all over the world on how to obtain the documents they need and to assist them with their issues and concerns. I'm also working part-time to save money, gain work experience, and pay for my GKS application documents.

According to the university rating agency Quacquarelli Symonds (QS), not only is Seoul the third best city in the world to be a university student, but South Korea also has some of the highest-ranked educational institutes in the world. South Korean universities have captured my attention with their progressive educational standards, which are essential for my academic and professional goals, ever since I realized the importance of high-quality studies. On top of that, I'm certain that studying outside of my country will allow me to develop not only intercultural communication skills and a global perspective, but also develop myself personally. I believe that being involved and having connections with a country's culture is very important when studying abroad, so I can see no better place other than South Korea to continue my academic life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783  
Sep 2, 2022   #2
The mental health of the applicant's mother is not connected to his course choice motivation. It just confuses the presentation and should be removed because of it. He should be discussing his family background based on his character development and/or their influence that led him to Political Science.

Allow the essay to ease into the Korean interest. It is so out of the blue in the essay that it seems like the writer just made it up. For all of his Korean related accomplishments, that should have a smoother introduction in the statement. Offer more insight into regular academic accomplishments and community activity as well. The motivation behind the interest in Korea and the skills he has in relation is only one part of the essay.

The motivations presented in relation to an interest in undergraduate studies in Korea lacksa personal element. The reviewers are familiar with these researched information and will consider these official and personal motivation factors. That part reads like a cut and paste from a template.
OP leo0528 1 / 4  
Sep 2, 2022   #3
@Holt
Oh, yes! Thank you! I wrote about my mother's mental health more as a reason why my parents raised me the way they did and how it affected my choice after having experienced some other fields. But I will try to write it so that it's more clearly shown.

Also, I will try to make the Korean section smoother and add personal motivations in the motivations part. Thank you so much!
Prity03 1 / 2  
Sep 3, 2022   #4
I think your mother's health issue is not related to your choice of course. It's little confusing that u put it there. Except that your personal statement is nice.
Opeyemichristy - / 2  
Sep 7, 2022   #5
If you insist on adding your mom's health,let it appear at the end as a pointer to how you were raised to take risk cause of future uncertainties. I think you lay too much emphasis on ur achievements in Korean language skills. You went over and over it like that's the major criteria in the selection. Pls work on this.
OP leo0528 1 / 4  
Sep 7, 2022   #6
@Opeyemichristy
Hello!! thank you for your advice! I will work on it! do not have many extracurriculars about my major so that's why I wrote more about the Korean Language


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