Lifetime struggles of an immigrant and how you overcame them (too negative?)

Hi guys, I just started writing my essay but I don't want to post it here because i'm paranoid. But I need help. The prompt asks to describe a significant struggle and how I have overcome it.

The thing is, my whole life has been a struggle. I am an immigrant, grew up poor, lived in a bad neighborhood and went to a bad school. I later moved up north where I went to an ALL white school and I was the only Hispanic. I was extremely behind academically, spoke bad english and had trouble fitting in because I looked so different.

THEN I started writing about how I overcame my struggles. I studied extremely hard to catch up, took AP classes and speech classes to better my English.

Would my essay be TOO negative? Should I take some of my struggles out? It's hard for me to write just about one specific struggle since it all ties together. Any suggestions?

Thanks for your time!

Try to find the general struggle you had been trying to overcome throughout all your other struggles. For example, was your main struggle being a minority? That could include your poverty and social isolation-- or it could be something else.

Also, instead of recalling every incident (taking AP classes) when you overcame one of your struggles, emphasize that it was you who helped yourself, while still including how you did so.

Yes most of my problems came because I was a minority. Do you think I could shape this essay into a narrative/story-like or should it be more structured?

If you are worried about your essay being negative, maybe you can incorporate some of the positive results of the struggles you have overcome. You worked hard to be the literate person you now are. It is not easy to go through struggle, but as you know, once some of them are behind us, we can feel joy in them. Revel in your victories and include some of that energy into your essay. Show the positive effects of the struggles to become literate through your writing of the essay. Literacy is something to be proud and happy for, I honor your struggles and your efforts.

I actually think it'd be written out better as a uniform essay, so throughout the essay you have as much knowledge as you currently do ( and have already overcome whatever struggles) rather than a narrative, just to lessen the corny-ness from these actual serious struggles, however, if you feel as though your essay would be better as more of a narrative go for it. Good luck ;')

No no, you don't need to take out any anecdotes... you just need to present it correctly.

Whatever you do, do not make the essay about struggle. Let the reader think about struggle on their own. Know what I mean? You write about your excellent plan to learn all you need to know about XXXXXX. Show that you have a specific plan and purpose. You can MENTION the various struggles as part of your background as you describe the process you are going through to reach your goal.

And the school is part of that process, too. It is essential for you to attend this school with its professors and resources, because this school is part of your plan. Be enthusiastic! :-) It is all in the presentation. When I kid writes, "My life was a struggle!" it is okay, but when the kid writes, "I need an opportunity to jump out of this world of complacency and powerfully pursue XXXX with like-minded peers." ----That is way more impressive! Tell about the struggle, but do not use the word "struggle." :-)

hi kevin thanks for the help but this is for a scholarship essay not admissions. do you think i should include my future plans in them as well?

I am donating my kidney to my brother next year and I wanted to include that in my essay. Do you think I should?

Very cool, Melissa! About the difference... whether it is scholarship or admissions, the strategy is like this: Show that you have been doing a lot of planning and a lot of reading because you are so determined to achieve some interesting long term goal. And that means you have to set several short term goals.

Know what I mean? Put the pressure on them so that they know you are no ordinary student. You are a person with a plan.

I think you should write in a way that present your struggle as opportunity to shine. I mean write in a way that signals even though u had many problems but still u managed to achieve objectives and successfully did that because u were a minority and it actually motivates you to prove yourself rather than affect u adversely :)