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Why would you like to attend Wreck Camp and how will it help you succeed?


JuanSebastianR 23 / 63 37  
Jul 14, 2016   #1
Hello everyone,

My university is offering a scholarship for a three-day orientation program. The limit is to one page, but there are no word count requirements.

Thank you for your help.

Here it goes:

Please write a one page essay focusing on why you would like to attend Wreck Camp and how this experience will help you succeed here at Georgia Tech. You can copy the essay from a word document to the text box below.

Last week I visited Georgia Institute of Technology (GT) for the first time and walked throughout the campus smiling from ear to ear as tears formed inside my eyes. "I made it!" I said. Not many students were inside the campus as it was summer, yet a vibrant vibe remained. As a first-generation non-traditional Hispanic student, attending Wreck Camp will be an opportunity to learn of GT and why it is such a special place. Also, it will allow me to build strong relationships with other young leaders, dreamers, and upperclassmen: my future mentors.

Whilst waking inside the campus, I noticed many names posted on buildings, including Daniel Guggenheim, Wayne Clough, and George Burdell (I know he is imaginary), and each of them surely made impact on the campus. During Wreck Camp, I will learn of their stories. Also, friends who find out where I am attending school stand there in awe, surprised and proud of the news. I want to learn how this place claimed such reputation, a place that not many people in the country get to experience.

The stories of people who are transferring and who are currently attending are also important. Wreck Camp will allow me to connect with these students, and my intent once I arrive is to socialize and meet other transfer and first year students, especially those who belong to a minority group. I want to form a bond with them by learning their stories and their dreams and what brought them here, because they are special too, and hopefully I get to inspire them by sharing my story of how I overcame obstacles to get to GT. Connecting with upperclassmen will also enhance my experience because they can be my future role models and mentors. They can have an impact in my life by telling me how they succeeded in such a rigorous university. I want to succeed, and Wreck will provide me with that opportunity.

The Wreck Camp experience will enhance my transition to this new environment that is college. It will help me succeed by forging bonds that will turn into study groups and motivation sessions with mentors. Yet what is most significant to my success is being amongst thinkers, philosophers, and creators and people who invent and want to make a change in the world. I want to be one of those students someday, and Wreck Camp will introduce me to them.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 14, 2016   #2
Juan, it is also nice to be working with you. As always, your essay is always almost flawless. It is difficult to see your weaknesses. I just found some of them. I hope this will be helpful :)

- I want to form a bond with them by learning their stories and their dreams and what brought them here, because they are special too, and hopefully I get to inspire them by sharing my story ofabout how I overcame obstacles to get to GT. (preposition "of" should be followed by "the story" not "my story". If "my story", the correct preposition is "about".)(coordinating conjunctions should not be appeared three times in a single sentence, like "and" taking from your essay)

- ...to this new college environment that is college .
- I want to succeed, and Wreck will provide me with that invaluable opportunity. (emphasize your noun by giving an adjective)
- YetHowever, what is most significant... (FANBOYS, "yet" is included.)
- I want to be one of those students someday, and I am really sure Wreck Camp will introduce me to them. (if using "and" with a comma, I think you need to write a complete subject and verb (1 clause))

Overall, I like the coherence and cohesion of your essay. It is well-linked indeed. Good luck in revising this essay, and I hope other members or contributors are going to be able to help you more than I could. :)


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