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"I like your car" - Personal Statement for KGSP application Undergraduate to study Design


kgspwilli  
Feb 2, 2018   #1
<Instructions: please write not exceeding 2 pages on an A4 size format, one-sided only. The essay should contain the following things and must be clearly typed or printed in black ink. Please remove the instructions after reading it. >

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Personal background in family and education
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.

I LIKE YOUR TIN-CAR


At ten years old, I designed my first car. With rope tied to my tin-car, I dragged my tin-car along the dusty Lagos road. I have been trekking for three hours looking for buyers to buy my tin-car so I can purchase food to fill my rumbling tummy. While thinking of continuing what seems like a fruitless journey, I was interrupted by a young voice saying to me, "I like your car", "I like your car". Curious whose voice it was, I turned around hurriedly and what happened next was memorable. A young boy who should be about 2 years younger than me placed 40 Naira (equivalent 120 South Korean Won) on my right palm. With his head raised and eyes wide opened almost popping out of its sockets, he exclaimed "I like your car, I do not have much, please sell it to me". Feeling overwhelmed, I mumbled to myself, "is my car really that good".

Four years after my encounter with the young boy, I was in my in my third year of junior high school. I was selected with two other students by my art teacher to design a stencil for the fast approaching inter-class sport competition. We were tasked to stylize the word "SPORT FESTIVAL"using our creativity.

Looking carefully through my backpack, I brought out the new sketch book my dad gave me. The sketch book was given to him among other prizes during the ESTATE AGENT MANAGEMENT award night. My imagination failed me as I could not sketch a single idea no matter how hard I tried. Feeling disappointed, I closed my sketch book then I picked up my journal to read. I gently flip from one page to another in a state of reminiscence. During this time I came across these words "I like your car". These words reminds me of my encounter with the young boy five years ago. The simple act of interest he had in my tin-car inspired me to keep creating. Why am I slacking off now? I ask myself.

Motivated by these words -"I like your car", I continued my stencil design. I quickly went to mymum's stationery store to get a new pencil of slightly thicker lead. Using this pencil, I finished the refinement stage of my design. I heaved a sigh of relief when my stencil got selected by my art teacher. This earned me an invitation to work side by side with screen printing professionals as we printed the stencil at the back of each sport vest. During the course of the week, I had to relate effectively, diligently5 following orders from the team to get the job done faster. There was a notable improvement in my interpersonal skills after this. On one occasion, a team member asked me which color would be better for printing. I gave a random answer, he made me realize the importance of branding and suggested sticking to company's color would be the best option. This improve my critical thinking as a designer and he recommended me books to read on design. It was a long week as we went on to print six hundred sport vests for the school.

The young boy love my tin-car which to him was a winning design even though I created it with no knowledge of basic design principles. He offered me 40 Naira (equivalent 120 South Korean Won) which could not buy a candy as a candy cost little as 100 Naira (equivalent 300 South Korean Won) but his interest in my tin-car inspired me to become a better designer. Reflecting back on this moment, I realize that a new responsibility was given to me, how much of a good job I would render depends on how far I am willing to grow as a designer. Hopefully, one day the world would tell me "I love your design"

joechido91 1  
Feb 2, 2018   #2
@kgspwilli...You only managed to describe your overall interest and potential in design while ignoring other prompts the essay required of you such as personal/family/educational background, experience and achievements and extracurricular activities.

I would advise you review your write up, particularly capturing all the prompts required.
Holt [Contributor] 1591  
Feb 3, 2018   #3
Williams, you seem to have misunderstood the prompt. You were not asked to choose 2 related questions to respond to in your essay. You were asked to respond to all the provided questions in a related manner. Your essay chose to focus on just 2 points from the prompt. While it was a mistake on your part, you still did something good so to speak because you at least, don't have to write a response to those two questions anymore in your revised essay. What you have to do now is focus on choosing the most salient points of this current essay that reflects the two points you chose to discuss and set it aside. Then write a new essay that addresses the remaining prompt, inserting the sections I asked you to keep from this version of the essay at relevant points in the revised essay. That way, you will create a more prompt responsive essay that fully utilizes the prompt requirements in a manner that helps to enhance your written interview. Present the necessary and currently missing information in the manner outlined by the prompt in order to make sure that you don't miss out on responding to an important element again. It will also help you organize the essay in a smoother, more understandable and connected format.
OP kgspwilli  
Feb 3, 2018   #4
Thanks so much for the review.

I have a question... when they stated "Motivation for applying for the program" what do they meant exactly;

Do they mean, what motivates you to apply to Korean or they meant it on a personal level, like what motivates you to choose that major.

I have seen other essays where applicant use this paragraph only to talk about Korea.

So that prompt is really giving me headache now.

Thanks for all your effort!
coffeetoffee  
Feb 3, 2018   #5
There is something wrong with your tenses in the first paragraph. I had to reread many times as I was very confused about the order of events.

At ten years old, I designed my first car. One day, with rope tied to my tin-car, I began dragging my tin-car along the dusty Lagos road. (it would be nice if you had a reason as to why you suddenly did this). I trekked for three hours... As I wondered if I should continue what seemed like a fruitless journey...

I hope you get my drift. The english really throws people off at first glance. Do adjust the rest of the tenses.

With regards to flow of the story I think you focused too much on what happened, and focused too much on the little details as to the influence this event had on you (which should be the focus), as well as other reasons why you are applying for the program.

Best of luck!


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