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Littering the environment - Chevening {Leadership and Influence Essay}


Ubo 1 / 2  
Oct 7, 2019   #1
Hello Everyone,

Below is my draft essay, please read and help give a feedback, thanks.

my attitude affects people around me



I grew up in an environment where it was the norm for people to throw all kinds of dirt on the ground, these made the whole environment untidy. The resultant effect of these, was flooding during the raining seasoning as all drainages were filled dirt. This became a culture as the younger once were fast learning it from the older.

Changing a newly formed habit is easy but changing a culture is very difficult. I found myself not conforming to the norm of littering the environment but tried to see how i can do things differently. I sort to be the change i wanted to see, so every time i bought a biscuit on the road, i put the biscuit wrapper in my pocket until i saw a waste bin. I became so used to disposing waste properly that even when walking with friends, if they threw litters on the ground, i would bend down and pick it and dispose it properly. I soon discovered my attitude started affecting people around me as they were very uncomfortable throwing dirt anyhow when around me. Everywhere i went, my attitude was able to influence atleast one person and that person would in-turn influence another.

Leadership is taking the lead so that others can follow. I never started with the motive of being a ''show off'' i just wanted to be the change i wanted to see. I conclude with this quote by Henry Todd (GLS 2019) " No one has the mandate to change the entire world, everyone has the mandate to change the world around them".

soulpancake 3 / 8  
Oct 7, 2019   #2
-The pronoun I should always be capitalised
- dispose of
- ... of these, was flooding
- at least
OP Ubo 1 / 2  
Oct 7, 2019   #3
@soulpancake
Hi, thanks once again for your correction. I understood three out of your four corrections and I wanted to clarify the 3rd. The "Dispose of" I know it is in the 2nd paragraph but wanted to confirm what line exactly.
Konkhmer12345 2 / 3 1  
2 days ago   #4
Chevening

Hi Ubo!
I hope my comments would be helpful your essay improvement.

First of all, I would say your writing seems too simple. It's concise and easy to understand, but it doesn't show up your potentail as a great leader at all and it would be better if you could include your leadership throughout your academic and professional experience, if any. Moreover, it's good that you stay on one main idea of changing behaviour as an influencer to those around you, but imagine how it attracts the reviewer even more if you can address practical solutions you have in mind to tackle the issues.

Second, try to expand your writing length as much as possible to make it worth considering.

Look forward to your continual essay.

Warm regards,
Sineang
OP Ubo 1 / 2  
2 days ago   #5
@Konkhmer12345
Many thanks for your kind contributions...


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