Hello, everyone! I just joined in this forum.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Randy. I recently applying KGSP scholarship and one of its requirements is about self introduction. Since English is not my mother tongue, I need some critiques, comments, or some feedback to make it better. I'm not so sure about the grammar, sentence structure, etc. Thank you so much for your help! :)
The contents of self introduction must have:
Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
Your motivations for applying for this program
Reason for study in Korea
Having been live separately from my parents since vocational school when I was around 15 years-old, makes me more understand about self-responsibility and learned to become an independent person. In order to help my parent's financial, I feel fortunate to received scholarships in each year because of my class rank, school achievement, and contribution through several extracurricular activities. Also, in vocational school, I took Architectural Drafting as my major and I've learnt basic knowledge about architecture field. Since then, I became very interested in architecture. I always have high interest in design and art-related topics, particularly of the architecture, interior design, and the life-cycle process of design. It gives me pleasure when I can create some kind of art that will be use, live in and enjoy by people. I wish my passion in architecture will give a significant positive impact for my career in the future.
I want to be an Architect. To do this, I need to continue my studies. But unfortunately, as money was always a concern, I stopped studying after vocational school. However, I do have a big dream. I always believe that everything is possible, beyond my expectation as long as I believe in that dreams and strive for the best to make it happen.
Since graduated from vocational school in 2009, instead of continue my studies, I have been focusing on a career in architecture from an early age, when I was around 18 years-old. My first career was at XXXX1 as a Draftsman. After that, I worked at XXXX2 as Junior Architect. While at present, I'm working as an Architect at XXXX3. XXXX3 is an international architectural firm based in South East Asia with offices in Jakarta, Singapore, Shanghai, and Sydney. Even though I worked at Jakarta studio, I use English as my daily conversation and all of the things regarding to the work documentations and drawings. XXXX3 taught me better to interact with foreigners and understand their ways of dealing with architecture.
In August 2010, I decided to take bachelor's degree at XXXXUniversity in the evening class program. During my studies, I had been working at 3 different companies with the same field in architecture. The reason why I did school and work at the same time is because I think that the most important thing from the education is the implementation of the lessons from the university to the real work environment. I've had the opportunity to apply those lessons in the work situation, learn how to deal with the problem-solving of design, and it makes me more creative in thinking & it increases my intuition in design. That was another level of beneficial experience for me. Another reason I had it was because I need to pay my tuition on my own. Back then, it was not an easy thing to do balancing work and study, I worked from 9AM to 6PM and went to college in the evening from 7PM to 9PM, Monday until Friday. However, I just believe that all my struggles will pay with a better future. Thereby, it's good to know after I graduated, I literally not a 'fresh-graduate', cause I already have several years of work experiences.
From my education and 6 years of work experiences, I hope that I have the qualifications to be great for my professional career, but still, I do realized that it's far from enough to solve a variety of architecture problem in a bigger scale and I think there's still much to be learned. I need to explore new things and learn new way of thinking to widen my knowledge. In order to be recognized as a professional, I need to obtain a master's degree. I firmly believe that it will open up more professional opportunities nationally and internationally. I believe that education is one of the most important things in life and I always wanted to be a high-educated person with a lot of valuable experiences.
To my understanding, the way South Korea embracing people in the world with traditional cultures and modernity is really clever. For instance, K-wave began with K-dramas and K-Pop is spreading around the world including in Indonesia and it also fascinates me. Then I became very interested in Korean language. Starting from August 2015 until now, I have been learning Korean language at Korean Cultural Center Indonesia.
Moreover, the fast growing of South Korea in the fields of education, tourism, and technology, really impressed me. After reading and analyzing from some sources, I believe that South Korea also has several top ranked universities. Therefore, I think South Korea is the perfect place for me to study and research from an international stand. I also believe that they can provide me an exceptional education to broaden my knowledge and it makes me more confident about the decision I have taken to continue my studies in South Korea.
For all of the above, I wish in the future South Korea and Indonesia could also cooperate in the field of architecture and the two countries would have a good relationship in the future, better and better. As an Indonesian, with my ability in architecture field, I also determine myself to be a bridge between my country, South Korea and other countries through learning and exchanging our knowledge and build a good partnership together.
Hi Randy! I think that you have the start of a great essay. Your English is good enough to get your message across, though there are definitely errors in your wording and grammar. But that's what we're here for! :) First, however, I'd like to discuss the content of your essay. You show an amazing passion and drive for continuing your study of architecture. You also have a lot of experience, which is great! I don't think that this essay portrays arrogance at all. You show confidence, experience, drive, and the passion to continue learning.
However, I would caution against trying to explain everything in your letter of self introduction. Some parts read more like a resume than an introduction letter. Instead, maybe try to focus on including things that would not be found on your resume. Things such as how these experiences affected you, how you have grown from them, and how they have influenced your future goals.
I've tried to show you how you can clean up your sentences and convey the exact same thing in a clearer, more fluid way. Please find those edits below:
Having been live separatelyLiving separately from my parents since vocational school when I was around 15 years-oldsince I began vocational school at the age of 15 hasmakes me morehelped me to become independent and understand about self-responsibility and learned to become an independent person.
In order to helpDue to my parent's financial situation , I feel fortunate to have received scholarships
I've learned basic knowledge about architecture field.
Since then, I becamehave become very interested in architecture.
I've always have highhad a strong interest in design and art-related topics, particularly beause of the architecture,
art that will be used , lived in and enjoyed by people.
I wishhope my passion in architecture will givecreate a significant positive impact
Since graduating from vocational school in 2009 insert your age here , instead of continuing my studies, I have been focusingfocused on a career in architecture from an early age, when I was around 18 years-old .
While at present , Currently I'm working as an Architect ...
Even though I worked(no past tense needed if you currently work there) at the Jakarta studio, I use English asin my daily conversation,and all of the things regarding to the work documentations and drawings.
Unfortunately, I can't finish editing your essay right now, but hopefully this has given you a good start. I will try to come back later and give you more edits regarding your grammar and sentence structure.
