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LPDP Essay - Personal statement and paragraph about background reasons and skills



bonaventura_bb 1 / -  
Feb 3, 2025   #1
My journey into agripreneurship was shaped by various lectures, seminars, hands-on activities, and particularly my undergraduate research on smallholder farmers, which strengthened my commitment to transforming rural farming practices through simple yet impactful digital solutions. To build a strong foundation, I started my career at a tech company specializing in e-commerce, where I developed essential skills in cross-functional collaboration, communication across diverse backgrounds, and leadership in guiding junior team members. I also developed knowledge in digital marketing, social media marketing, and how to enhance a product through planned marketing strategy. Furthermore, I developed data analysis skills to help me understand how to process and transform the data into impactful business insights.

In late 2022, driven by my aspirations to support smallholder farmers, I joined Farmillions, a prototype community entrepreneurship initiative, as a breeding consultant. This project aimed to address the persistent challenges faced by smallholder farmers through practical and impactful solutions. It provided training and mentoring in livestock management-focusing on Jawa Randu goats as an alternative income source-while also enhancing business and investment literacy to strengthen human capital. Farmillions was a collaborative effort initiated by four professionals from diverse fields: two animal science graduates, one information technology specialist, and one accounting and management graduate. The project operated remotely, with quarterly field visits for supervision. My role involved developing and evaluating livestock management SOPs, providing strategic recommendations for improving farm productivity and business effectiveness, and assisting farmers with livestock health concerns. Through this experience, I gained invaluable insights into the realities faced by smallholder farmers-limited literacy, restricted access to information, and complex socio-economic challenges-further reinforcing my commitment to driving meaningful change in rural agribusiness.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15539  
Feb 4, 2025   #2
When applying for any scholarship, you must provide a strong academic foundation in terms of research skills, academic achievements, and proper academic internships or exposures. You need to beef up that presentation in this essay since you are applying for a masters degree scholarship. Whenever possible, indicate how you have built your skills early on with notable achievements or internships.

You have spent too much time describing Farmillions. Narrow down the description so you can better focus on your achievements as a member of this team. Do not just enumerate your duties and responsibilities in narrative form. That is not what the personal statement is about. Talk about what you achieved as a member of the group. What notable accomplishments did you make? Were you recognized for these contributions?

Try to provide a more accomplishment centric personal statement instead of a limited, glossed over presentation that does not offer useful information for the assessment of your application. This version needs more relevant revisions before it can become useful to you.


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