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I had made a deal with my father - he bought me a computer (I won the deal) - KGSP 2016 essay

Alif Biswas 3 / 5 4  
Oct 4, 2015   #1
Hello, I am applying for Korean Government Scholarship Program-2016.
My writing is not good in English.So It will be helpful for me if anyone make some improvement of the essay.

In 2006, I had made a deal with my father that if I got chance to study in a certain renowned school, he would gift me a computer. Later my father bought me a computer to fulfill the deal and since then computer has fascinated me. I really enjoy the delightful feeling I get after solving a difficult problem. That is why I had decided to be a Computer Science Engineer. There is no doubt that Korea is an advanced country in Science and Technology and holds the topmost Universities in the world. A KGSP scholarship winner will get financial support to meet tuition fees and other expenses while studying in a particular Korean University. In addition, Korean government will also sponsor a Korean language course for one year. As I am from a lower income family with a big dream, KGSP scholarship will be the best option for me to shape my future career.

I have completed my last graduation in Notre Dame College with the highest grade point according to whole students in my country. I believe only text books are not enough for a student. I used to read books out of my academic syllabuses. In the case of science, I always prefer to learn it from practical experiment. This way I have developed my mind to think outside the limited curriculum. I came from a lower middle class family of a developing country. From my childhood, I faced many financial hardships in my family. But financial crisis never depressed me rather it made me inspired to go ahead and taught me how to struggle in a critical situation. I want to be an asset for my family and also for my country.

Most notable success in my extracurricular activates is working as the President of Notre Dame Science Club. I had achieved that honorable position by my hard work, determination and leadership. Notre Dame Science Club is the biggest and oldest science club in our country holding its 60 years glory. I am also the Founder President of Motijheel Model Science Club and this club awarded me as a 'Best Panel Member' for my dedicative contribution. I had worked in a social welfare community named 'Amra Kuri' and I was the Senior Patrol Leader of 'Impisa Open Scout Group'. In short, extracurricular activity is like a source of recreation to me and my experiences in various extracurricular activities developed my leadership and organizing ability.

It is like my hobby to make a science project and display it in a science festival. I had participated in many science related competitions and achieved numerous successes. And the best achievement was wining the, "Special Non-Institutional Scientist Award-2011" from Bangladesh Council of Scientific and Industrial Research, a scientific research organization of People's Republic of Bangladesh, for my innovative scientific project. On that occasion, Bangladesh government also provided me a amount to research further in my project so that the project could be implemented in our country. I have also gained two national level awards for science project and a 'Award of Excellence' for outstanding performance in Science Olympiad.

I had worked in two publications as a Editor. Both of the publications are our science club's yearly magazine named 'Audri'. I had also worked as a graphics designer in a yearly magazine of Dhaka University Tourist Club. I am a Graphics Designer and I believe this skill is a valuable acquisition that will help me in future. Rubik's Cube can be solved by me within 45-55 second.

It is my habit to dream something big. Because I believe strong determination can make everything possible. I don't want to create another Microsoft or another Facebook or another Apple, but I want to create something bigger than Microsoft or Facebook or Apple. I have a well designed plan to fulfill my dream and now I just need support to reach in my goal. So, the wining of KGSP-2016 scholarship would be the support that I need to reach in my destination.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 4, 2015   #2
Alif, your essay answers the prompt requirements except for the one about the motivation you have that led you to apply to the program. I believe that you are applying for a masters degree admission, am I right? As such, the motivation for your interest to go study in Korea should be related to that. Why do you want to study in Korea? What does the KGSP offer you that simply enrolling in a masters course in your own country cannot provide? How has the lack of support in your country (if any) motivated you to seek the Korean government support for your studies?

In order to better address the prompt issue, you need to remember the following important information about KGSP:

1. The scholarship offers a research allowance to their international students. Try to do some research so you can discover how you can use that research allowance as a motivation for your application.

2. The government will cover the costs of printing your dissertation. Again, you will need to look further into this sponsorship because as far as I know, the dissertation is the hardest task to accomplish at that state of academic study because of the costs involved.

Aside from that information, the Korean government will also sponsor your Korean language lessons for one year, with some sort of additional language tutorial support after. Since you mentioned that Korea is at the forefront of technology these days, I believe your essay will be helped by the inclusion of this information as part of your motivation.

The English language problems can be addressed later on. First we need to make sure that you present a solid and acceptable motivation for applying to the scholarship. A simple Google search should be able to help you find all of the information you need to help you develop a good and more accurate motivation for applying to the program.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 5, 2015   #3
Alif, some advice on how to create a better impact with your opening statement. Please use the following before the line about your father you a computer:

It is my habit to dream something big...

That statement alone already shows a total motivation and goal for your future. Though you do not what that end goal is yet, you are showing the reviewer that you at the very least, know what direction you will be taking, and that is the most important part of your motivational statement. The fact that you have a career direction in mind and you know how the scholarship can help you attain it.

The rest of the essay can remain unchanged.It supplies all the necessary supporting information as required by the prompt. So I would say that this essay is ready for use. I wish you the best of luck with your application :-)

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