1.How did you choose your proposed study and institution?
I have known Australia Award Scholarship (AAS) since my 3rd year as Undergraduate Law Student. I always keen to study abroad especially in Australia. I got inspired by my lecturers who take their master or doctor degree in Australia. Furthermore, I try to dig more information about the scholarship by reading the information from the official website, watching the tips and trick to win the scholarship by the Awardees from YouTube and asking directly to my lecturers and seniors at campus about the scholarship. In 2019, I joined a seminar held by Australia Center from Medan on Study in UNSW as well as engaged some study consultations on my future study with the committee. I know the subjects that offered are fit with what I want to learn by reading the handbook and learning the curriculum provided by Master of Law Program, UNSW
I choose Magister of Human Rights Law and Policy at the University of New South Wales, which is aligned with my educational background that is International Human Rights Law. I am interested in deepening my knowledge about Human Rights Law both national and international. My undergraduate education provided me plenty of knowledge in Human Rights courses. My undergraduate thesis was about Human Rights issue especially Child Labor issue in my hometown. During my previous study, I always passionate on join every seminar that related to human rights issue. My interest in human rights issue was brought since my childhood, my family from father's side was the conflict victims due to ethnic issue in Aceh at that time. Since then, life is become so hard for us, we must leave our home, land and everything behind. Since I have learned Human Rights Law subject, I want to change the circumstances. I don't want conflict in Aceh happen anymore. In addition, as I am currently doing research for my Undergraduate Thesis, the research outcomes showed that there is still a lot of violation on basic human rights around, especially in education field. Therefore, I wish by taking this decision to continue my study under the field of human rights in Australia could be one of the solutions to help tackling the problem in Indonesia.
I think in this question, you do not need to answer in detail how do you know this scholarship. In my opinion, you should (1) start with your personal story why you apply this scholarship (which you did at the end of your essay). And you should (2) continue describing how your proposed course is important to your ethnic group or country. And then, you should (3) write what you can learn from this course in detail by adding how this course match with you personally and how this will benefit for your country. (4) You should also describe the ranking and the advantages of the university you chose. You should mention why you chose this university instead of any other university.
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The first paragraph is superfluous. It does not add to the information regarding why you have chosen your proposed course. You must delete that whole paragraph. The better presentation of your response would be to use 2 specific reasons from the current second paragraph, developed as individual paragraph responses to each question. It should be something like the outline below:
Why did you choose your propose course?
My undergraduate thesis was about ...issue in my hometown. I want to change the circumstances....problem in Indonesia.
Why did you choose your institution?
I choose Magister of Human Rights Law and Policy...International Human Rights Law. In 2019, I joined a seminar ...Master of Law Program, UNSW
Those are the two discussion points that you should expand upon in your revised essay. You should respond directly to the questions, in individual paragraphs based on relevant information in the shortest way possible. The statement has a word or character maximum so you have to make sure that you meet the word requirement. If you don't then your online application could be rejected or cut midstream by the text box you will be filling out. Err on the safe side, keep it short.