Hello everyone. I plan to apply a GKS 2021 next year and I would appreciated a lot if you want to proofread my essay. I made this for 2 months and It still missed so that I feel a bit stressed with it. But finally I decided to make it as my life story, because I'm not experienced yet in making a good essay. Hopefully, I can get the best answer from this forum.
Anyway, I am sorry if the words in my essay is too common, because my english skill is still limited and I am not good enough in english writing. Thanks before.
Personal statement
Every human certainly is supposed to have at least one dream in their lives, no matter what the background they come from. All the life story from the people out there which I read has given a proof about how the power of dream has an important role in changing the whole of someone's lives. This is similar with the story of my inspired motivator from Indonesia who has been successfully completed her studies in Singapore named Merry Riana. She taught me a lot of lesson and experiences particularly in the way to overcome the obstacles even the failure that we have to faced. Her great stories actually blew my mind thinking that my life which just comes once should filled with something meaningful and unforgettable.
I just came from a modest family and nothing really special in it. My dad works at the Textile Indusry in Bandung as a Staff while my mother who just becomes a housewife. But I completely grateful having the parents who really cared a lot with my future. They really struggled and would do anything for their daughter's studies even in unsupporting financial condition meanwhile my dad is used to advise me with tirelessly about how important having an education to highest level that reminds me no one in my family has successfully got their highest education. When I saw this condition, It is time for me to set a goal not for just making my family proud, but could change my whole lives.
Every successful goals must be started from a good plan and what thing underlies it. By evaluating myself while seeing my life's condition now, I realize that everything in my life runs so well and seems like no problem at all. Yeah! That's a point that need to be highlighted. The fact of NO one success people come from the comfort life makes me ask to myself "Until when I will live my life with this way?" This things actually be the foundation of my dream to continue my study abroad. Starting the real adventure by getting out from the comfort zone and explore the things that I never had before. I know there is always a risk in every way I step. An adaptation in the country which is totally different than my country's characteristic such as a climate, culture and language aspect but I just see it as a challenge and a new experience for me. It is like my first time leaving Indonesia whose this country has a tons of comfort things for me personally and survive in other country like a sword blade which got sharpened constantly so that yield a perfect sword. This kinds of process that I actually want to experience it in my life.
The dream to continue my study abroad certainly is not an easy thing and it has a lot of consideration particularly in deciding what country should I choose for my destination of study later. I search a lot of information from the internet resources and finally I choose Korea. This country that saves a lot of uniqueness and the attraction itself with the authentic culture that other country does not have such as a classification for korean grammar with the one from it is made for socialize with the older (honorific forms) and the culture respecting the older so much that honestly interests me and makes me want to learn this country more. I did some research much deeper about Korea, and when knowing the truth both in positive and negative side, I think study in Korea will be a bit challenging for me.
The wants to feels how live and enjoy the high quality of education in Korea beside learning directly their mentality, mindsets like"time is money", the culture of disciples, orderliness, hard-working, etc that honestly be a main reason why I choose Korea. I ever did a deep conversation with my friend and we discussed about how Korea could be a developed country, what strategy, and is there any great people who contributes and dedicated themself for the advancement of their beloved country? All this question will be answered completely when at least I experience it by being involved with how Korean lives. And it will be my biggest hope if all of the knowledge that I have in Korea soon is not beneficial for myself only but also for the people around me with my success later. The word "Success" is not about wealth only, but the success that I really want to get is how I am be able to bring a good impact, also help a lot of people arround me reaching their dream, makes their parents, friends even their country proud of them with the same spirit and ambition I had after realizing that I start all of this from my dreams. For me, neither dreams nor future is not an impossible things to reach it as long as our highest effort is in accordance with our highest dreams.
My biggest hope comes from many experiences I got while I was in High school that actually leads me to reveal my truly passion. When the teacher gave us a group assignment, I used to act so naturally just the way leader do to my groupmates by dividing a task spontaneously even scolding them undoubtedly if i found any lack while doing this task together. I did this way just to make sure that they did their task well and our assignments could be completely done before the deadline. Until one day I got an unexpected opportunity to be a movie director in making short movie as the final project of my class for our graduation requirements. I was delighted having this experience where my leadership skill got sharpened and know how to lead 18 person who have many kinds of personalities and traits, learning how the mindsets of the leader particularly in about decision-making, a planning and an anticipation when facing an unpredictable situation with considering all the risk also solving and making a solution for an internal group problem. It was a tough journey for me to be a movie directior but finally, our hardworks and dedication were paid off with the result that our short movie was being chosen as the best movie ever among 10 groups. I was so surprised because I never got the great achievement before in my life. Through this experiences, my mind formed gradually to be like a leader's thoughts also be a good leader who could give a good impacts for my surroundings with achievement I got. This is why I plan to take a management/bussiness administration major because I know beside I can develop my passion and I want to gain this similar experience more than before, I can do what be my biggest hope all this time.
Just like my experience being a movie director, and the wheel which keep rolling up and down could be possibly describes what my life journey actually. Sometimes my life was in top when I ever got the second highest score of national exam in my school until my experience being chosen by my teacher to be a representative from my school in National Science Olympics in Economics at City level and my interests in economics is pretty high coincidentally. Finally I got 3rd rank among other highschool in my city that led me to compete in province level. Although I did not win, I take it as my second highest achievement in high school also feels like it is an indescribable happiness when I made my school, parents and friends proud of me and i will never forget how my school make a banner to congratulate me and displayed it in front of our school. But in other time, it was like the universe allowed me to be in a bottom or darkness moment in my life that I thought it as my biggest failure where I ever made my parents totally disappointed with me because I could not reach the required GPA to get the scholarship at my college due to my laziness. Honestly I ever studied in the one of college in Bandung for only 1 semester. The required GPA is around 3,9/4,00 and I just got GPA about 3,6/4,00 whereas this scholarship really helped me to keep my study in this college. Although my parents was giving me one more chance but seeing the financial condition in my family, actually really makes me think thousands times especially seeing how hard my parent struggled for my school. It felt like I had to take all the consequences from my mistake because frankly I do not want to put my parents in a difficult situation anymore. I think it would be better if I try to seek my pathways to my future alone just like an adage that we all ever heard "There are many ways to Roma". I know there always a risk in every decision I made like seeing all of my friend's studies runs well and I just stayed in here, without making any progress at all honestly burdened me. But 1 thing that I always think this everytime is " Probably I got my failure in studying in Indonesia, but I MUST get my success in studying abroad one day later" and convincing myself that everyone has a different paths and times to reach their future and we cannot compare it. A very long journey for me to rise from the failure until now I already work at the one of biggest pharmaceutical industry in Indonesia and when I found GKS I spare my time to prepare this scholarship also save a bit money from my salary for the documents preparation because just as I told before, I really do not want to burden my parents anymore.
Through my complicated life story until I could get rid of it, and now I am about chasing my dream, so many precious lesson I got from my failure also even from the time I start to prepare this scholarship. The mindsets change more maturely, be an independent without entirely depends on my parents anymore, and the most important thing is I am be able to know myself much better after making this personal statement also the patience in preparing this scholarship especially looking at the world situation is being chaotic these days due to Coronavirus Disease that frankly this is a great obstacle for my struggle now. However, when imagining I successfully get the spot in this scholarship and step my foot in Korea later realizing me that all the hardship, trouble and obstacles I faced will not make me easily giving up. Even I diplayed my dream college photo as a wallpaper in my phone so that it will be a reminder for me to keep my spirit up because I know that I cannot depend anyone to keep motivating me. If it is not from myself then from who? I am really grateful knowing this GKS scholarship also Korea deeply as a country which is be able making many people's dreams come true eventhough some of them had ever "falled down" but knowing this scholarship it is like getting a new hope to rise again like me. So, regardless of what the result I get later, I will keep giving my efforts, time and my best for GKS 2021 while at the same time feeling so thankful to myself which already be able to survive so far from the worst things and let myself to experience all the tough process and phases in life that formed me to be like a sword which sharpened. Perfect, strong and incisive.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 This is not a personal statement that follows the information requirements for an undergraduate nor masters degree. Since i am not sure which of the two you are applying for, I cannot really give you a solid opinion as to how to improve this mess of an essay. You have to delete this essay in totality, regardless of which type of GKS application you are going for.
Go back to the prompt requirements. Read it, understand what you are being asked to write. Base your new essay on an understanding of the prompt information requirements. If you do not understand what the prompt is asking you to write about, then come back here and ask questions about how to best approach the essay. It would be better though if you first try to write a prompt responsive essay, post the essay here (informing me about whether it is an undergrad or Masters GKS application), then ask questions. That way I can help you better direct your response.
Right now, I cannot help you because I do not know what you are applying for. Properly advising you is just an impossibility because you failed to inform me about what sort of application you are creating (undergrad or masters).
Thanks before for answering and giving opinion to my essay
well as i already told at the first, i decide to make it as my life story since i felt so confused how to make a good essay, and certainly attracts the interviewer and i ever asked one of the GKS awardee 2020, in she did her essay in the same way too. she got too confused about how making a good essay until finally she decided to make it as her life story, she told anything what she wants, what her perspective of dreams , what she wants to be in the future, and what she wants to do. and luckily, she got this scholarship and now she's already in Korea. Honestly i'm so inspired with her because i see the similar problem between me and her. so, please tell me, do my decision to change this personal statement into my life story is right? thanks anyway mr.colt
anyway, i plan to take undergraduate for GKS 2021
