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Marketing myself and demonstrating suitability in my Personal Statement

gmeigo9 6 / 20 2  
Feb 23, 2018   #1
Hi, am applying for a Scholarship in a UK University and I need to market myself. I look forward to suggestions and corrections.

The Personal Statement should be between 250-500 words and answer:
1.Why have you chosen to apply to the University of XXX to study this subject?
2.Which personal qualities do you possess that will help you to successfully complete this programme of study?
3.How will studying this programme help you when you return home and in your future career?

self presentation essay

Listening to my mother mumbling when the gas bottle ran out while she was cooking and listening to people talking about Mozambique tremendous potential in natural resources aroused my interest in developing skills related to their exploration. Doing my bachelor in Physics, I understood that I wanted to be a modern geophysicist with solid fundamentals, field experience and skills in quantitative analyses and interpretation of geophysical data. Surveying for UK Universities, I perceived that XXX could be a home for my interests in addition of being in a safe and affordable city. When I found that YYY the author of articles about seawater intrusion in coastal aquifers was one of XXX's experts, my desire to be part of XXX were amplified.

At university, when professors asked questions that the class didn't know the answer, I was in some cases capable to answer or contribute to it, thanks to my proactive and autodidact spirit. I was Assistant Coordinator of a group created to take Astronomy out of the classroom. I headed the group in the International Asteroid Search Campaign cataloguing unknown asteroids and in the expositions were I established strong relationships. While studying, I got a job as a teacher were I developed my interpersonal, management and communication skills that helped me to be persuasive in the class, seminars and in daily situations.

In March 2015, I got an internship at a consultancy and three months later, they offered me a full-time job as a geophysicist and according to the director it was due to the computer skills, flexibility and potential seen in me. Since then, I've been working as a geophysicist travelling around Mozambique collecting, analysing and interpreting data. In 2016 I had my biggest challenge when I was assigned the task to lead the field teams in the construction of 300 boreholes for water supply. By becoming available to discuss about professional and personal issues and with my spirit naturally optimistic, my passion for challenge and the support of my network, I could successfully manage the teams.

By studying Geophysics in this global hub, I'll constantly develop familiarity with international standards, strong cross-cultural communications, different leadership styles and interpersonal skills, what will give me better chances to secure a job in Mozambique, were I will progress to a senior role in management. With my experience, contacts and skills developed, I'll make partnerships to create a geophysical company. We'll offer a diverse range of services, cooperate with the government in the better regularization of natural resources sector in order to allow natural resources revenues and make agreements with Universities to accept internships.

This programme will be very intense and challenging but my journey as a student, assistant coordinator, teacher and geophysicist taught me to meet deadlines and take initiative on personal and professional development. Am sure that XXX will wide my perspectives and give me bases to cooperate with the government in challenging situations, continue to grow and contribute for prosperity of my country as a geophysicist.

batgirl23 1 / 4  
Feb 23, 2018   #2
Hi @gmeigo9, I think your essay has answered the questions. Maybe at the first paragraph you could elaborate more about why did you want to be a modern geophysicist at the first place, what did you see/hear/learn about it that makes you interest to learn about it.

Good luck!
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,808 2616  
Feb 25, 2018   #3
Walter, this personal statement is too simplified in presentation that it almost seems like a draft of a personal statement for college degree as opposed to a masters degree. You don't really respond to the questions in a manner that would impress the reviewer, specially at the start where you mention the inspiration for your interest as simply being your mother running out of gas while cooking and complaining about it. You need a stronger reason for your interest. Perhaps something like Mozambique never having enough energy resources processed, which leads to people running out of gas while cooking so you developed an interest in the processing of natural energy resources.

In reference to your abilities, the reviewer is not looking for explanations such as 'I always raised my hand in class' because all of the applicants did that. Instead, he is looking for profession based abilities that helped you to become a better geophysicist in need of increased training and knowledge. You can use your internship to illustrate that point, but not the part about you being hired because of your backroom knowledge in computers. Talk about your abilities that you possessed and displayed during the internship in relation to the tasks assigned to you that are related to geophysics.

You should avoid mentioning the names of any professors at the university because this may not be mentor based course and as such, you may not even have a chance to meet this professor. Keep your interest in the university centered on the ability of the overall professors to better educate and train you instead. Right now, your depiction of the university sounds more like you just cut and pasted it from the web. Try to sound more natural.

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