1.PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW YOUR ACADEMIC BACKGROUND AND PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE TO DATE RELATE TO YOUR CHOSEN COURSE AND WHAT YOU EXPECT TO GAIN FROM STUDYING AT ZZZZ UNIVERSITY.
I grew up having a passion in art and design where I was not well represented. Our local education system follows stringent case study system, modelled after leading countries' voices. Finding a voice for myself became difficult. In Asian culture, expression of opinions isn't widely encouraged; it starts young in family and school, so finding who we are became vague. Only when I studied abroad I found my strength and was assured of my personal direction with affirmation from tutors. My architecture journey took longer among peers as I graduated with a pre-university diploma in Interior Architecture prior to my Architecture degree. I obtained a RIBA Part-1 from XXXX , and have another degree in the same from University of YYYY prior. Quiet perseverance along side a passion cultivated towards user-oriented neighbourhood system kept my interest in architecture thus far. I have about six years of working experiences throughout my education; begin from the lowest, then interning in large architecture corporates to now handling design, project management and submission works, as an architect does. The year-out not only immensely enhances my portfolio and asserts my architecture direction, it is also crucial on the savings for Master of Architecture (MArch) degree here though it is still not sufficient.
Studying at ZZZZ is essential because here offers the lowest tuition fees yet it's among the most reputable architecture universities/institutions in London, which also provides good RIBA Part-3 for full architecture career continuation.
These constant struggles help me understand the importance of getting my MArch degree to become a full-fledge Architect and it shows how much I love what I am doing. As the professional pathway in architecture is linear, the gravity of completing MArch degree is as significant as determining my career progression as an Architect and my future progression.
There are two female mentors who impact significantly on my decision to pursue architecture as a life career with passion. They are my first boss and my tutor from YYYY, both are female of strong characters in the mostly testosterone dominated industry. They are role models with positivity and illustrate creative solutions for every design. As Architects, we have to work with the norm but not be settling in the norm. Brenda, my first boss, is the first person who affirms my big passion is not too big for the world to accept. She assured my conviction and is fearless to big ideas making them feasible. Lisa, my tutor, a feministic character who is ardent about gaining awareness for female architects' recognition and contribution in the industry. Her ferventness led her full way applying for Norman-Foster-Travelling-Scholarship of a thesis apprenticing in Zaha Hadid Architects firm and I was invited as her referral. She urges not to be ashamed of a voice bigger than myself contributing back to society. I also scored a high distinction in architecture studio under her guidance.
They continuously inspired me striving to be a good architect who possesses a good design skill but remember to pay it forward. I believe, myself, have a social responsibility to what I design.
Lastly, my tutor from XXXX impact and nurture me towards my current passion in architecture. Under his studio, I became passionately engaged in the subject of regenerating degenerated neighbourhood, especially towards users-orientated architecture in highly densified city. It can be identified in my final year course work. I am also privilege at my current practice to involve with projects closely related to this agenda.
I aspire using my skills and learning finding my voice baring social responsibility that never ceases to think big and think people. I believe ZZZZ is where I can progress and get towards becoming an Architect. I illustrate to be the best candidate for the scholarship much needed.
Your weak areas are punctuation, singular plural usage and articles.
* it starts young in family and school, so finding who we are became becoming vague. Only when I studied abroad, I found
* from XXXX, and have another degree in the same from the University of YYYY priority. Quiet perseverance alongside a passion cultivated towards a user-oriented neighborhood system kept my interest in architecture thus far. I have about six years of working experience throughout my education; begin from the lowest, then interning in large architecture, corporate
Similar mistakes are repeating.
Best of luck :)
HI Christine, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, I hope we are able to suffice your needs on your writing.
Well, first stop, you have a very interesting essay, what I notice is that, the transition of the essay, depicts exactly what you want your readers to understand, the introduction is the background of the essays purpose and you did exactly just that, you made sure that the reader will know where you're coming from and this information is very essential, also, you used simple words that translates the ideas you have.
Next, the succeeding 2 paragraphs can be merged, this is to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs is rather uniform than having to see, a few odd short paragraphs.
Lastly, the last 2 paragraphs are strong, just as strong as it started, however, I believe you can do a little revision if you keep one paragraph as a conclusion, do a summary of the last two paragraphs but make sure that all the elements of the essay that answers to the prompt are given priority in the summary.
There you have it Christine, I hope this insights are useful. Keep writing.
Hi Justivy03, thanks for the feedback . It is quite helpful seeing from the other person perspective. I have adjusted it according to the helpful insight. Finger cross ! Thanks everyone for the tips!
