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Master of Commerce - How will the proposed study contribute to your career?


mirzaputra81 1 / -  
Apr 26, 2019   #1

contributing to the development of SMEs



The number of SMEs in xxxx are approximately 95,502 units consisting of micro-enterprises (65,227 units or 68%), small businesses (27,913 units or 29%), and medium-sized enterprises (2,362 units or 3%). Although it has a prominent position in supporting the local economy, they continue to experience various problems which are mostly related to capital, product marketing, business management, and business productivity. The lack access to funding are the most frequent barrier faced by SMEs, this is because of two standard banking assumptions that prevent bankers from giving loans: loans cannot be approved without collateral and credit history. Therefore, many loan sharks give loans to micro-enterprise at extremely high interest rates (240% p.a.), which ultimately makes it difficult for them to develop their businesses.

As I am concerned what the micro-enterprise challenges today, I expect to fulfill my aspiration in contributing to the development of SMEs in my region, through building microfinancing for micro-enterprises by adoption social business model of Grameen Bank. With this microfinancing, investors give small loans to micro-enterprise, so they can run a business and become self-sufficient.

I believe the Master of Commerce perfectly fits my career needs by providing a curriculum with a solid business core and a specialty in innovation and entrepreneurship. The proposed study will equip me the concepts and skills necessary to identify and develop opportunities to launch a startup, new product or service. Moreover, this program also provide individual and group projects. I will be mentored through the iterative process of creating value, and developing prototypes to validate business idea.

In summary, by completing this course, I believe I will be better prepared to be an entrepreneur, launch and join a startup business.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Apr 27, 2019   #2
Be wary of the way that you transition your sentences. I have noticed also that there were sporadic instances wherein you had stretched out your sentences, creating lengthy structures when you could have opted for a more concise format. Once you can determine these portions, you will be able to save space in your essay; this will optimize the content that you have. Moreover, I would also recommend that you try to

Let's take a look at your first paragraph; I would revise the third sentence as:
The lack of access to funds is a frequent barrier face by SMEs; this is because of two standard banking assumptions that prevent giving out loans. Loans cannot be approved without collateral and credit history.

I would also suggest to be more cautious when using (or not using, in this instance) prepositions. This can significantly affect the quality of your essay despite being minute parts.

For instance, in your third paragraph, I would revise one of the lines as:
[...] The proposed study will equip me with concepts and skills necessary to identify and develop opportunities in launching a startup, new product, or service. Moreoever, this program also caters to both individual and group projects. [...]

Try to be careful of these small details.

Aside from that, because this is a study plan explanation dedicated for a program, I would expect you to be more specific. I have noticed that you merely mentioned that you are fascinated by the curriculum. It would be helpful if you could explain why and which portions of it specifically do you think are in line with your career. Having more in-depth details as to how this entire thing can contribute to your program can assist you in building more substance to the essay.

Best of luck.


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