I hope someone will be kind enough to Proofread and Review my essay, thanks !!
My choice - transport or engineering science study
I am willing to pursue a master's degree in transportation study because I want to contribute to the economic growth and recovery in Indonesia. Indonesia is an archipelago country that consists of thousands of islands, this condition makes the logistics cannot be made up only by land transport, especially in rural areas. As a result, Indonesia's logistics cost has become the highest in Asia. Lately, the pandemic has already shifted society's behavior to e-commerce. Thus, transportation and logistics play a huge role in the economy during the pandemics, especially the delivery time and cost aspect in maintaining the society's buying power and interest and keeping the product's quality. This issue is my biggest concern in continuing my study in transportation so I could contribute to economic recovery and growth in Indonesia.
I am choosing Master of Transport at the University of Sidney as the first choice because I found that this program provides courses that would help me in obtaining advanced skills and understanding in decision making soon after I finished this course. There are several Units of Study that I found interesting and applicable for my future careers such as Logistics and Future Cities, Decision-making on the Mega Project, and Introduction to Complex Systems. These units of study will help me in developing my understanding of logistic management, reverse logistics, forms of urban freight, and also get me ready in planning national-caliber projects on a tight budget.
Master of engineering science at the University of South Wales become my second choice. Despite the University's well-known reputation in civil and environmental engineering, the university gives freedom in choosing the courses that the students are going to take which I found advantageous for me. The course also providing advanced study options such as demand estimation, network design, ITS, and land use risk management that will be beneficial to overcome transport issues in Indonesia.
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When you discuss the proposed courses, you need to reference your undergraduate studies, training seminars, or other professional exposure that have a direct relation to your interest in the course. Having a professional goal in relation to the course is good, however, proving that you have a fundamental understanding or a strong undergraduate foundation in relation to the proposed courses will be of more help in this presentation. The undergraduate training, aligned with your current professional exposure that exposed you directly to the problems you wish to solve by gaining advanced academic training will make the reason for choosing the course and the university clearer to the reviewer. You are not offering any information regarding your preparations to take this course, based on academic needs, professional targets, or national interest. This makes the essay less informative than it should be.
I suggest you to be more analytical to explain the background of your study in the first paragraph. The logistical problems is important example, but you need to further elaborate why current systems failed? and what do you think the appropriate solutions or at least you need to identify several shortcomings, in which you will further study.
For the second paragraph, I suggest you need to more specific in explaining why certain courses matters. what are the specialities? who taught them? and you might need to explain the intended outcomes/goals of those subjects, and see whether it is applicable to your study.