Hi everyone, hope you're doing well!
My name is Dandhi. I'm applying for Australia Awards Scholarship 2020 and here is my first essay. I will attach the other essays on separated threads. I need you to review my essay, is it good enough to answer the question? is it connected between one paragraph to another? I'm opened for any suggestions!
so here's the instruction:
HOW DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR PROPOSED COURSE AND INSTITUTION*?
As a web developer who is working closely with UX from inception to production for the past four years, I can improve the human experience by fixing an app or building a system. But the area in which design can create the most lasting impact is changing culture. Indonesia with the transformation of public services through e-government are in the biggest need of a complete design overhaul. According to APJII, only 12.5% users are able to successfully use the online government service to apply for Citizen ID, Driving License and Passport and only 9,58% users are able to use the online government service to file a complaint regarding public service.
Despite strong technical skills manifested in my professional experiences I find them insufficient to create a set of design systems that could be useful for Indonesia e-government service. For I believe that the consistent design system on the public services website can invite people to participate in the system and the more active and participatory our democracy will be. In serving those aims, I am fully aware that I need to take a more advanced study which will expand my knowledge in related sectors of UX and human centered design research. I believe that the Master of Digital Media at the Victoria University is the right place for me to accomplish those objectives.
Being a globally top-ranked institute of higher education, Master of Digital Media at the Victoria University offers a set of comprehensive modules on usability systems to equip students with a balance of theory and practical skills. During the course of Cross-Platform media production, I am looking forward to applying theories of persuasive design into the process of developing prototypes and systems. By the end of the course, I am hoping to be able to develop prototypes and systems that focus on usability and to apply said usability on design specification and evaluation work.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
The reasons that you chose your proposed course are highly relevant. You are connecting it with your career opportunities and the advancement of technology in your home country. These are well thought out and developed reasons within your presentation. So I do not believe that you need to change any of that presentation. What I do have a problem with is the reason why you chose the university. You need to connect your weak points with specific classes from the course. These discussions will highlight that you are conscious of your weak points and have actual academic considerations that led to your choice of course at the university. As for the university itself, you need to go beyond the ranking of the university. In fact, you need to avoid presenting easily researched information. You have to show that you did some institutional research that led to your decision. A reference to the accomplishments of the university in relation to your course of interest would be a good starting point. You could even refer to their successful graduates, who have breakthroughs in the field of your interest, as the basis of your interest in receiving an education from that university.