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Scholarship   Posts: 4

Scholarship for master program in data analytics - Management Information Systems

kennai 1 / 1  
Feb 6, 2018   #1

my dream to be professional analyst

My passion with computers stated to grow when I learned database and business intelligence. I found that computers are powerful tools which can help businesses with analyzing the mass of data and making decisions. I believe that a person with both business knowledge and computer skill will be in large demand in my country. For this reason, I would like to pursue my Master's Degree at the ZZZ University.

The reason why I believe I am right person for this course are because, first of all, I have master studies in Management Information Systems with a cumulative GPA of 3.31 at Faculty of Commerce and Accountancy, subjects like Business Database Management, Information System Analysis and Design, Management Support Systems and Business Intelligence, Electronic Enterprise interested me the most. I was awestruck by the subject of Relation Database, more so by the manner in which its faster and more efficient revolutionized the working of data in a decade. I was now determined to focus on business intelligence and data structure during my job. The next steps I am going to take are Master's degree in Applied Data Analytics (MSc) in deep for more distant future. I consider this scholarship to be a very good possibility for me to find use for the knowledge I have already acquired and further develop skills and abilities I managed to accumulate so far, while, of course, studying new things under the direction of highly experienced specialists.

Secondly, I used to work at XXX as a BI and Operation Analyst. During my job at XXX, I developed data warehouse, data cleansing and data mining by Oracle BI and OWB. I need to cleansing raw data before take it to data warehouse and create it in BI. Success on this project gave me the confidence to provide data solutions to real-life company data sources. At XXX, I have been involved with Oracle Project providing dashboard, adhoc reports, data mart to its company business. Working on this project has helped me hone my database ad reporting skills on real problems. Now I am working at ABC in the position of Assistant manager (Data Management). In this position, I need to study in SAS database, SAS data mining, Tableau. I assist to design ER diagram and verify the data required of the end user in order to generate the report per end user request. I also assisted colleagues who had little or no background in computers. As an outcome of this, the company asked me to take responsible on BI structure design project.

Additionally, among many topics, I am primarily interested in the predictive analytics the amount of car and traffic jam in CCC for next 10 years. It is a chronic problem and should be resolved immediately. I expect that this scholarship will support my research in reducing traffic congestion in my country. After completed this research, I would like to share the results to the Ministry of Transport for improve the traffic system such as take the statistics from the research to calculate the levels of congestion and viability of alternative routes or improve forecasting to nudge behavior in ways that improve the reliability of transport infrastructure and increase its efficiency and utilization. Also I will represent of university to share my experience and benefit during my years in college and beyond for students in my country.

I think that I shall be able to contribute best to my country if I can gather technical knowledge and experience in this field from a better university abroad. With all of my experience, I am in search of bringing my career to the next level. The subjects offered in this program are specifically in line with my professional goals. In addition, reputation of high quality education standards and faculty members are the main factors which have encouraged me to apply scholarship.

Finally, I desire to catch up my dream to be a professional in data analyst that will benefit for many people. Completing this degree studies at university should provide the experience for me to achieve my aspirations.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,505 1933  
Feb 8, 2018   #2
Nith, I am uncertain as to how I can be of help to you in improving this essay because you did not indicate what kind of application you are writing. Other than this being a scholarship essay, what are the given parameters for the writing of the essay? Did you receive any prompt instructions for this essay? If yes, then what was it? I cannot assess the essay unless I know what kind of responses are required or what type of essay you are trying to deliver. Is this supposed to be a personal statement, a motivational letter, a letter of intent, a statement of purpose? There are so many other types of scholarship essays that could be written so unless you are specific about the kind of editing and review help that you need, I will be unable to assist you with specific details for improvement. At the moment, I can see that this is a pretty well developed presentation of your skills, education, and experience. You have not left any stone unturned in terms of presenting your strengths. However, I am not sure if all of this information is required. Certain scholarship essays ask for only a specific type and amount of information. I hope you can deliver the appropriate instructions for this essay so I can try and come back to help you edit and revise your content.
OP kennai 1 / 1  
Feb 8, 2018   #3
Thank you for you recommend
For this essay, it is a statement of purpose for apply Dean's Scholarship (master's degree ) at university in Scotland. I wish to share my work experience, my master's degree and reason to study in this area but I am not sure that my essay is well for apply, or not?
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,505 1933  
Feb 9, 2018   #4
Nith, your presentation is not a proper statement of purpose. You did not really deliver the expected information regarding the purpose of your study. It would be wise if you revise the content of your essay based on the standard information required for the consideration of your application. There are actually a series of information that you should present in order to solidly explain your purpose for higher study. Revise the content of your essay to deliver the following information:

1. A summary of your college studies. Make sure that your college studies relate to your current masters degree interest. You seem to have a relevant background so after mentioning your chosen major, influence the reviewer to believe that you would be a good masters student by indicating not only your GPA, but also your college academic recognition and awards. Your explanation about your foundation in college is a bit too long. Try to simply indicate how the classes prepared you for this masters degree course. Indicate your strongest class performance in relation to your chosen masters course.

2. Depict your relevant work experience in relation to your chosen masters course. The one thing that will indicate how you have been prepared by your current profession is if you can relay information regarding some highlightable experiences on the job. Don't just enumerate your duties and responsibilities. Explain how you have made a difference on the job by creating the image of a worker who is forward thinking and proactive. The proactivity should help to introduce the actual purpose of your advanced studies. As a masters degree student, your focus will be to help improve the field that you are working in. So it is not just about training yourself and preparing for the potential future demands of the job, this is also about how you envision your participation in the field in the future. I don't see you trying to become a pivotal factor in improving the field from what you have related. You are too focused on simply preparing for the future demands of the job. Tell the reviewer how you hope to change the field in the future as well. That will help to create a secondary purpose for your masters course completion.

3. Your reference to the traffic jams does not seem to have a relation to your previous statements. It sounds to me like you are planning to change your career path after you complete the course? Is this assumption correct? If so, then you should indicate that you are looking at changing your career path after graduation. Now, this is the important part. You have to explain how the university can help you achieve either your 5 year career plan or a successful career change. Be specific about the programs, mentors, and other aspects of the university education that can help you achieve this. At the moment, you are not making a reference to the university, which is important because the academy is the place that will equip and train you to achieve all of your study goals and purposes.

You touch on most of these elements in your draft essay. However, there are some misdirected elements in your work that you should remove so that the focus can be more on the purpose for your higher study and the preparations you have made to achieve that.

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