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essay for master scholarships (NZAID); New Zealand & universities


kikiliyik 12 / 35 2  
Apr 3, 2014   #1
dear all, please give me advice for my scholarships essay, i will apply it this month. I am not confident at all with this essay.

In no more than 500 words (on a separate sheet of paper) describe the specific skills and knowledge you want to gain from your proposed study and how this study will contribute to the role and responsibilities of your current and/or future job;

Based on many information that I got, New Zealand has many top universities in the world. Most of those universities have excellent quality, especially in engineering. As civil engineering student, I wish I can get the best education, lecturer that I cannot get in Indonesia in civil engineering. Also, after I read New Zealand's universities blog, I found lecturers that is really open mind, and the most important is their research is really concern in recycling waste material.

This point very encourages me to take study in there. For all Indonesian people know, today, in Indonesia many people live in bad condition with bad environment. Furthermore, much more people are homeless, live in dirty place with thousands ton rubbish surround them. Other people live crowded area with unsuitable house. This problem comes because of many people have lack money so, they can buy the appropriate house for living. This causes many other problems, such as, children diseases, the increasing of homeless etc. Those is increasing year by year. In other hands, temperature and weather in Indonesia change unstably. This is because global warming that causes of many factories activities to product industrial material.

For all reasons above, I want to be an engineer that can recycle many waste things-waste materials for building, to be the useful things especially for house living for many people in Indonesia. Recycling is not only for economically reasons but also for earth life reason. Actually, waste material is in research too in here, but the improvement of this research is still bad. This is because of many main reasons-limited lab tools, limited litteratures, and limited money for research. Those reasons are very urgent for thousands researcher in Indonesia.

This is much different from New Zealand that has good management in in recycling rubbish and waste material. Moreover, I read the current research in many universities in there that actually much higher qualified than many research in here in the same field with my future research. So, by receiving this scholarship I hope I can improve my skill in recycling waste material to be the useful one. Even though, this is just a small think that I can do, I hope I can provide the more economical living place for many people that is unlucky to have proper house to grow their children. I think the way to help human is by full fill their primer needs such as house and food.
Ulaai 3 / 42 27  
Apr 3, 2014   #2
I think your essay is not yet well-structured. I guess you look at some scholarships essays here in the forum and look for what you may lacking. Good luck in your application!
OP kikiliyik 12 / 35 2  
Apr 3, 2014   #3
thank you very much, your suggestion is very helpful. I will repair it as soon as i can
aruljothi 2 / 4  
Apr 8, 2014   #4
"Based on many information that I got, New Zealand has many top universities in the world. Most of those universities have excellent quality, especially in engineering"

Why cant u change this like
New Zealand has got some the world 's top university especially in Engineering.
OP kikiliyik 12 / 35 2  
Apr 8, 2014   #5
thank you very much
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 10, 2014   #6
Based on many information that I got, New Zealand has many top universities in the world. Most of those universities have excellent quality, especially in engineering.

Based on my findings, New Zealand is the home for many world class universities that offer quality and advance courses, especially in engineering.

As a civil engineering student, I wish I can getto obtain the best education, lecturer that I cannot get, whichin Indonesia in civil engineeringis unlikely to offer me.


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