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Masters in Public Health, 4 question EXCELLENT ESSAY for financial scholarship

izzy1106 1 / -  
Sep 10, 2015   #1
This is a VERY rough draft. I am in need of some serious help, I have been out of uni for 4 years and seem to have forgotten how to write excellent essays... Excellent anything really.. 4 questions relating to how masters of public health will benefit my nursing, longer term goals, the people who I care for and commitment to area of practice. 200 words per answer is the limit. I think I need to be a lot more specific with most of what I have written. ANY help would be much appreciated :) Thanks in advance!!

How will the course benefit your nursing practice?
I expect to reap immense benefits by studying a Masters Degree in Public Health. I grew up in the remote Kimberley region in Australia and chose to complete my nursing degree and many of my practicums in remote locations. I gained invaluable experience and knowledge and learned the disadvantage of living remotely with respect to receiving health care. I completed my graduate program in a tertiary hospital and saw the difference in services available to city populations.

I recently read a journal article about the lack of Remote Area Nurses (RAN) around Australia and the aging population of RAN's. Nurses provide highly skilled care and encouraging nurses to remote areas and further education to provide primary and public health care is important.

A master's program will benefit my nursing practice and equip me with knowledge in the public health field and thus enhance my ability to use my skills to promote health and illness prevention. I want to work with and support the community, health care organizations and government to make a difference in the areas I believe Australia are failing at in the public health domain, especially remote health care. Once I complete my masters I intend to return to work in remote area's to gain experience and work towards health equality for all.

How will the course benefit your longer term goals?
Firstly my long term goal is to work and volunteer locally, nationally and internationally to broaden the knowledge of my interests. Going abroad presents challenges and opportunities to grow especially in the research field of public health. Having the opportunity to study an internationally recognized course will allow me to travel and discover more about myself, while gaining valuable insight and knowledge in to other countries perspectives on public health and health promotion. Public health research is an important goal to me because it will increase my knowledge base and research development skills. I believe learning from new cultures, identifying areas for improvement and working towards developing and designing plans and implementing those plans for new programs will enable me to do this.

Learning to draw evidence-based concepts from the course and applying them to primary care fields such as immunization schedules, aboriginal/remote health disadvantage populations.
My longer term goal is to further my career by being in a leadership and management position. During my nursing career I have always been passionate about leadership and taking responsibility, and I believe, a master's degree will facilitate my progress towards a leadership position where I would be able to influence things in a wider scope. The course will allow me to develop as an individual especially in areas such as self-fulfillment, self-confidence and self-esteem. Having this knowledge and learning leadership qualities as I go, will allow me to better understand management principles and practice leadership.

How will the course benefit those for whom you care within your area of practice?
A Masters Degree in Public Health will be beneficial to the people I care for within my current and future area's of practice. I currently work in the area of mental health nursing. Further studies on the social determinants of health in my masters will enable me to have a clear understanding of the social issues affecting human health and how to promote and work with the individual and community to overcome them. With this knowledge, I will benefit my clients by helping them to avert further health issues. Many health workers ignore the fact that income, zip code, race, and ethnicity can sometimes be used to predict the health status of a person just as one's diet or family medical history can. I have seen time and time again, nurses work with mental health patients who only appear to take in to account their illness there and then. Pursuing a master's degree will help me to advise not only patients and the community but also other health workers on social factors that may be the cause of certain health issues.

I plan to move back to the Kimberley once I complete my Masters' degree to work in another area of nursing I am passionate about, aboriginal and rural and remote health care.

Obtaining a degree in Public Health will go a long way in boosting my career as a health care provider and make a difference not only in terms of my skills and career enhancement, but in ensuring that standards of patients care are not compromised.

Describe your commitment to your area of practice.
I am a very committed servant and professional in the nursing field. I use reflective practice and critical thinking skills on a daily basis in my area of practice even when I am not on duty. This regular practice has allowed me to discover the public health gaps that exist between inpatient and outpatient health care.

This is also a clear indication of my commitment to the health care practice. In addition, the fact that I choose to advance my education to a master's level as well as my future goals of being a leader in the public health sector demonstrates my commitment to this practice.

I have also attended education sessions and taken part in many programs in order to further my education and knowledge, which serve as further proof of my dedication to the health care practice and continual education.

Moreover, I have acquired the professional practicing license which is a clear indication that I have a passion to continue practicing health care in future.

I am confident that this program will help me reach my full potential, develop and enhance my knowledge in skills necessary to thrive in public health and successfully construct, execute and assess programs that will help local and international communities. Through my undergraduate coursework and practicums, my interest in reading widely on the subject of public health, I have gained an understanding of different perspectives and insights in to health.Taking all this into account, it is my humble appeal that I be granted a scholarship to pursue a Masters Degree in Public Health to equip myself with the tools to benefit the future of health care.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 13, 2015   #2
I can help you with the meaning.

Question 1: You need additional words "studying for a Masters degree". You can avoid using and by using commas: "invaluable experience, knowledge, and learned about the disadvantages" You need additional words. Here is a suggestion: "Since nurses provide highly skilled care, encouraging nurses to work in remote areas and further their..."

The next paragraph, add "the" before government. Place a comma after masters.

Question 2: There was a word that needed the space deleted: "knowledge into". When you discuss public research, place a comma after me. Also, you can avoid using and by stating:"identifying areas for improvement, working towards developing and designing plans, and ..." The next sentence does not have a subject. You could say, "I will learn to draw..." Then change applying to "apply" and add "and" before aboriginal.

You can state: "long term goal". The next sentence, you can place a comma after career. I am going to suggest avoiding the word "things". You could use "matters" or "change". You can delete things in a wider scope . The next sentence, you can place a comma after individual.

Question 3: The first sentence, you can place master's degree in all lower lowercase letters because the program name should be capitalized. The third sentence, you can place a comma after masters. Here is a suggestion to help you with repetition: "I have seen numerous times, nurses working..." Remember "into" is one word. I'm unsure what "there and then" means. Do you mean once in a while or when it is convenient? Place a comma after community. The next sentence, you should place a comma after your location and "degree". Also, you stated earlier aboriginal/remote. You could either state: aboriginal/remote and rural or aboriginal, rural, and remote.

Last paragraph: Place a coma after level and sector. When you describe your commitment to your area of practice, change continual to "continuing my". Place a comma after license and end the sentence with "in the future". I think you should form two sentences. Add "and" before develop then place a period after health. Then form another sentence that discusses how the program will also help you successfully construct programs. Place "and" after practicums.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 16, 2015   #3
@Izzy, I'd like to tackle the last paragraph of your essay.

Describe your commitment to your area of practice.
- ...which serves as further proof ...
- of my dedication to the health care practice and continualcontinuous education.

- Moreover, I have acquired the professional practicing license which is a clear indication that I have a passion( you don't have to state the obvious) to..

- ...continue practicing health care in the future.

You have such a good heart and a lending hand for everyone, I hope there are more people like you who always aims for greater good and not just personal advancement.Overall, your essay is written well and I must say that you were able to cover all there is that is needed in an application essay. Best of luck and let us know what comes out of this application, we'd love to hear from you.

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