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Mathematics is a language. I love to create things, to solve problems, and to figure how things work

chadnium000 4 / 4  
Dec 7, 2016   #1
Prompt: Please provide a personal statement detailing your personal and/or academic goals and how your personal life experience shapes or impacts your hopes for the future.

I am a Nigerian born and raised in Lagos. I love to create things, to solve problems, and to figure how things work. I believe mathematics is a language that solves problems and Physics is everything I do.

I discovered a personal truth, that l have no limitations except those I impose on myself. Everyone brings to the world unique talents, gifts or abilities, and some of mine include my strong will, my creativity and the strong determination to give back the community that raised me up.while in Senior Secondary school, l was in one of the classes of the technology division. It was the norm, that we were bad at english. I was infuriated when our teacher said we were hopeless. I wanted to prove her wrong, and I am happy I did. I am the only technology student to ever score a grade, higher than the credit grade in english, in the history of our school.

During the final year of Junior Secondary school, l was indecisive about the courses I would do in Senior school. I was very good in mathematics and basic technology, but I had just aced the mock literature test, outscoring every one with at least thirty marks. I had also participated in a school band competition. I played the saxophone. Our school came second and the judges applauded the piece I had composed for the band. I met my principal who advised me to go for engineering not because I was good in some subjects but because I loved to create or build things, to solve problems, and to figure out how things worked. He helped me see these, but left me to decide which aspect I would prefer. It took quite a while for me to decide, but I found mechanical engineering which encompassed all my interests.

What is most important to me now would be getting a college degree. My parents never went to college due to financial issues so graduating would mean the world to them. I walk four kilometers just about every day on the streets of lagos, the thick black fumes from cars, trucks, diesel and petrol generators make it hard to breathe sometimes, as well as the noise and diseases they cause. I would like to help in reducing,or perhaps, totally eradicating dependence on fossil fuels for power. After graduating I would want to work in a company that provides power solutions and researches new ways to provide cheap and environmentally friendly power.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,876 4563  
Dec 7, 2016   #2
Nwanko, you have written a pretty good essay in terms of portraying your background and difficulties you needed to overcome in order to become the person you are today. The personal story is admirable and will leave the reviewer rooting for you to succeed. Unfortunately, your academic goals are not as strong as your personal ones. So you will need to focus your attention on further improving that aspect of your essay.

In terms of your academic goals, it is a bit confusing to follow. Since this is a personal statement, it should follow a presentation that shows the development of your interest and the influences that led you to decide upon a career in mechanical engineering. You have one too many possible college majors indicated in this essay. You need to pick one, I believe it is mechanical engineering right? After making your final decision regarding your course major, you will need to refine or revise the essay to show a keen interest in the field of engineering on your part which led you to this final decision. Right now, you are showing the reviewer your academic "options" instead of a solid academic "goal".

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