mathematics - for NTU Scholarships

Describe, in less than 300 words, a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you. You may choose any topic. Examples include: an event which has influenced you or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you

The first time I thought of mathematics as a very interesting subject was when I joined math club at my junior high school. As time went by, my excitement to explore more in math grew bigger. I participated tens of competitions to measure how far my skills have improved. But, life is definitely not as simple as turning hands upside down. It took more than 2 years for me until I qualified to achieve my goal i.e. being participant of the INAMO (Indonesian Mathematics National Olympiad) in 2010 after going through some elimination.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been imagining myself standing at the podium with medal hanging around my neck. Unfortunately, I failed at my first chance to get medal. I got nothing but experience & I was quite sad. Nevertheless, I realized something. Like what the author Paulo Coelho wrote in his book, 'The Alchemist', I may say that God has given me "newbie's luck". Then, I promised myself to put extra effort so I'm able to bring medal home next year.

As if it had been destined, the second chance came to me. I didn't want to waste it anymore. I kept on practicing, struggling mightily, and praying night & day. But, what can someone do if God's drawn different fate from something he/she hopes? I was so shattered yet shocked to face the truth that I failed again. It was embarrassing & seemed like I was a total fool. Recovering my confidence & getting out of gloomy cave were very hard. I know all I can do were accepting & thanking God for the lessons He taught. Somehow, I felt tougher.

Now, I'm ready to start chasing new goals e. g. studying Environmental Engineering and being a scientist.

"It took me more than 2 years for me until I qualified to achieve my goal to be a participant of the INAMO (Indonesian Mathematics National Olympiad) in 2010after going through some elimination. "

"For as long as I can remember, I have always imagined myself standing on the podium with a gold medal hanging around my neck."

Unfortunately, I failed at my first try . I was quite sad;I had gained nothing but experience. & I was quite sad.


I think this sentence is a bit contradicting. Earlier, you said that you failed; now, you say you have "newbie's luck". If you have luck, shouldn't you have won? I think you should say something positive about gaining nothing but experience here.

"Then, I promised myself to put an extra effort so that I would be able to bring home a medal next year."

"However , what can someone do if God has drawn afate different from what he hoped for ?

"I was so shattered yet shocked to face the truth that I failed again."

"It was embarrassing; I felt like a total fool."

"I know that all I can do is thank God for the lessons He taught."

I think you should work on your conclusion. Elaborate more on how you recovered your confidence. How did you somehow became tougher?
And I also think that you should use less contractions, this is kind of a formal essay, right?
Well, good luck:) I hope my comments help. Please comment on my essays too!

Wow thank you for your comment! Well, actually this is my first time making a formal essay so I find so many difficulties. I'll edit it and wish me luck.