Hello,, is there anyone here who would like to correct my personal statement?
I plan to apply KGSP-U 2018. But of course, that is just a plan. I don't know if I will apply it or not.
i'm in love with mathematics
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
South Korea has been my favourite country since I was child. And I'm such people who tend to focus at one subject. That is why from a lot of scholarships abroad, I only choose to apply for this scholarship, I am sure that I will learn better in country which i love. Beside that, Korea is well-known as country with well knowledge environment, far better than my country's knowledge environment. It makes me more excited, what is more beautiful than study in country with very well knowledge environment and which we love so much? I am sure that I will learn very well there.
- Family and Education background
I rose in a family of three brothers and one sister. My mother just a kindergarten teacher and my father had passed away since I sat in the third class of elementary school. Financial problems always become hurdle in my way. That is why no one of my older siblings who next their study after high school. My family has been supporting me in such sated circumstances. I have showed outstanding performance meeting all these financial problems by getting scholarships from all my previous institutions.
As long as I study -from elementary school to high school- or -grade 1st to 12th- I always try to do not let anybody to surpass me. I always remained the topper of school and college throughout my whole educational career. I have awarded best student award for 21 times (21 semesters of 24 semesters).
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
When I had just graduated from my elementary school, My uncle offered me to enter an upbringing institution for fatherless and poor children which so far from my house. That was my first time to live far from my family. Hence, I learned a lot of things there, like how to be autonomous, live in dormitory, live under rules of institution and much more.
When raising to the third class of senior high school, I should moving school from some reasons. Of course, that was so risky for my scores and my rank. But fortunately, in the end of semester, I was announced as student with the best national examination score in my school.
For 5 years -from grade first of junior high school to grade second of senior high school- I didn't live with my mother. When junior high school I used to live in upbringing institution while grade first to second of senior high school I used to live with my aunt. Both in upbringing institution and my aunt, my reputation is very good. I am such people who will do their best for everyone who help them and for everything which they love. For example, I am in love with BLACKPINK (one of Korean girls group), and I have done my best for them, like promoting BLINKs (the name of BLACKPINK fans) project to every social group which I have been a member, streaming their mv as much as I can, vote them in every legal vote, etc. I even can sing all songs of BLACKPINK without see the lyrics and now I have just could dance one song of BLACKPINK (Rosé version -one of BLACKPINK members-). But I'm still learning other BLACKPINK's dance practices. And my target is I can dance all of BLACKPINK's dance practices. See? I will do my best for everything which I love. Therefore, I am sure that I will also do my best within KGSP period, both in language program and associate degree.
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
When senior high school, I used to be a part of osis (The most important organizations in senior high school), I learned much there, like how to arranging program or agenda, cooperate with other students, organizing program or agenda and etc which I am sure that those experiences will useful someday especially in university.
Beside that, I used to be a part of pramuka organization. In that organization, I used to camp sometimes. So I could learn how to live in opened nature in a group. And there, we also learned how to cooperate each other.
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
When I was sitting in second class of senior high school, I was chosen as school delegation of regency science olympiad sector mathematics. My school wasn't such school which focusing of olympiad. Hence, since the first time my school sending delegation for regency science olympiad (9 sectors) till I was chosen as one of delegation, no one whoever wins in the regency.
But because i'm in love with mathematics so much, I used to study hard as self-taught person. And fortunately, I was announced as second winner in regency. Moreover, I was one and only delegation of regency science olympiad from my school who won in the regency. And of course, I'm the first student from my school who wins science olympiad in the regency. That experience so printed in my heart. From that, I know what a beautiful fighting dream.
I am hopeful for the consideration of my application as first priority.
With best wishes.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Hinata, the first thing that you have to do is change the format of your presentation. It must be in a complete essay format, not in an outline form that you have at the moment. The essay prompt from the application form should have shown you how to chronologically place the information in the essay. The information about BlackPink is misplaced in the essay. In fact, it does not have any bearing on any of the topic discussion requirements of the essay and should instead be removed. That is, unless you want to use that information to show that their existence and your admiration for the group are the main reason that you were motivated to apply for this scholarship. However, I would caution you against that because it is pretty trivial as a reason. Your motivations should be related to the educational system of Korea and how it differs from your own country. Specifically in terms of the way that your choice of college major is taught in your country when compared to the Korean method of education. When you speak of the organizations you were a part of in high school, you need to explain what the objective of these organizations are because the reviewer doesn't know about them and would be lost upon reading the activities that you are presenting. He won't know the importance of the organization unless you tell them about it. Everything else in the essay seems applicable. You may figure out where you have to make adjustments yourself as you edit and revise the content of your essay.
