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McGill: A Contemporary Figure and how does he inspire me


alexgzm 5 / 17 9  
Jan 10, 2017   #1
Hey,

I was hoping to get some feedback on this essay for the McGill Scholarship application. The Prompt is:

Choose one person, either a contemporary or historical figure, and describe how you would have been influenced or inspired by that individual. (Max. 4000 characters)

Elon Musk,



He is without a doubt one of the most influential minds of our generation. Not only has he successfully developed multiple billion-dollar companies, but he has completely innovated each one of the fields in which he has been involved.

I recently saw an interview where he listed the 5 areas he considered the most important for the future of humanity. These areas are: the internet, sustainable energy, making life interplanetary, artificial intelligence, and rewriting genetics. And in just a bit over 20 years he has positively impacted in 3 of those 5 areas. He is continuously searching for new ways to improve humanity and this is one of the reasons why I consider him to be one of the most important contemporary figures.

I am fascinated by his views on success; for him it's not about being the richest person or the most powerful, but impacting humanity in the biggest way possible, even if these benefits aren't seen until much time has passed. And that's exactly what he has been doing since he graduated college. Focusing on fields that had been left behind for a while, with the exception of the internet, he planned to bring attention back to them as he thought they would be imperative to improve humanity's future.

And the things he has achieved unquestionably prove that his plans have worked out, with only 45 years, he has created one of the most successful sustainable energy companies in the U.S, the most successful electric car company in the world, the biggest online payment system used by hundreds of millions of people, and one of the most promising space-travel companies, with plans to inhabit Mars in the next 20 years. And although none of these accomplishments were easy to achieve, all of them show that Musk is not only a brilliant mind but one that doesn't settle.

I find him to be greatly inspirational because of everything he has done to improve our world. He may not be recognized as much as other tech innovators like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, but I consider him to be just as remarkable and even more revolutionary. Although he doesn't build products that can be used by billions of people, like computers or smartphones; he creates things that can be way more revolutionary and beneficial for humanity in the near future. He's creates solutions to problems that almost no one pays attention to.

In my opinion, one of Musk's most inspiring characteristics is his self-confidence, I've never seen anyone like this before. Even when everybody told him that Tesla or Space X would never be successful because the conditions in which they were being built were completely unfavorable, he never lost faith in them and did everything in his power to keep those ideas alive. He even invested all the money he had earned from PayPal to make sure Tesla didn't go bankrupt. Thanks to this ideal I've understood that sometimes there's nothing more important than believing in yourself. There will be times in which the only person that backups your ideas is you, and if you don't have enough confidence in what you do, how can you expect someone else to have it.

Although he could have stopped right after the success of PayPal, he knew he could still achieve so much more. And that's the biggest lesson I've gotten from Elon Musk, never settle. Just because one thing works out doesn't mean you have to stop and consider yourself finished, there's always more that can and should be done.

Thanks to Elon I know it's ok to have out-of-this-world ideas, to always want more, but most importantly, it's ok to try make your childhood dreams come true, as long as you're confident and ready to work endless hours to achieve them.

Thanks!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,765 4768  
Jan 10, 2017   #2
Alex, point of warning about the title of your essay. You can't use the prompt requirement and the name of the scholarship for the title. You need to come up with an interesting title for your essay and not just use the prompt for it. The moderators are very strict about that and they often send out warnings and do not hesitate to suspend users if they can't come up with creative titles for their posts.

The essay itself needs to be rewritten because the focus of the discussion is wrong. From the moment that you mentioned Elon Musk, you should have presented the reasons or methods by which he has managed to inspire you. This is all about making Elon Musk your role model in life. You know what his most marked accomplishments are in his professional life. How have these accomplishments inspired you to do something similar in your own life? Perhaps he has inspired you to study something? Maybe you are studying a course that relates to an idea that he had for a future technological development? Or maybe he has just inspired you to create a better world for everyone concerned. How have you used his inspiration in your own life? That is not clearly reflected in the essay.

In this essay, the prompt asks you to consider how you would have been influenced by the person. From that part of the prompt alone, it is clear that you are not being asked to discuss the accomplishments of this person as the center of the essay. It is the connection between your dreams, ideas, and aspirations, in relation to Musk's accomplishments that should be presented.


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