Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Scholarship   % width Posts: 3


Medical care for those live in third-world ; Contribution to diversity


newcollege 1 / 1  
Jan 9, 2013   #1
prompt: How can you contribute to the diversity at the University of ....

here is what I have, it is really raw but I need your help.
Contributing diversity to the University of .... benefits both the campus and the individuals who work/study. One small beginning leads to big discoveries. There are numerous religions, cultures, and ethnicities. It is to my advantage to discover even more at a place no other than ... With the help of my fellow students, I believe we can all promote diversity by not being closed-minded, but being open-minded and considerate of the differences that arise from different nationalities, cultures, languages, backgrounds, race, religion, social status, and economic standing that combine to make us wonderfully unique.

At the University of ..., I hope to discover different religions from both international and resident students as well as introduce my religion; .... I would like to make new friends, visit, and study different religious practices. I was always fascinated by the different cultures when I first came to the Sates. The U. S. provides the flexibility to learn other cultures- something you can't do in other countries. The beauty of being diverse is that no one can tell you right or wrong.

Diversity ranges from many aspects, it isn't limited to race. However, accepting one's race is a quality not all posses. In our society, social media influences teenagers by exploiting the "perfect" lifestyle and the "right" way to be. Students who come from third-world countries are easily westernized and purposefully try to forget their roots because they want to be like the people the social media paints in their brains. Unlike others, I accept who I am and am proud to be an .... I love to talk about my culture, religious practices to whoever is interested. Ethnicity is one of the few things that separate one person from another. Rather than trying to be like someone else, being myself might help the people who would like to know about my race as well as boost my self-respect.

I am also an avid chess player. I started playing chess in elementary school and have managed to bring ....'s first State trophy in the fifth grade. I have always been the only girl in every chess team I participated in; the shocking part of it is that I chose to. Why? You might ask. Knowing that the chess team was full of underestimating, over confident boys, I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to be the first girl to hold the team trophy. I wanted to stand out. Chess involves understanding the opponent's psyche and predicting their next move, which is a very useful quality to a person. In college, I would like to do something extraordinary that would make me stand out. I would love to teach to spread the knowledge that I have attained throughout my years. I also am the only girl in my school who has volunteered at two different Hospitals for the past years. I have always wished to organize a program in which students go to a third-world country and provide medical care such as vaccination to the needy.
Th25cc 2 / 90 26  
Jan 9, 2013   #2
Sates.

Spelling error.

This essay is for the most part off topic. You don't discuss the diversity that you can provide - you discuss diversity in general as well as your participation on a chess team. That isn't diversity - that's just you taking part in a situation in which gender is unbalanced.

You need to rewrite your essay in order to talk specifically about yourself instead of about diversity in general. Provide specific, relevant examples - examples better than your story regarding chess.

Side note - you don't have to say "University of ..." because anyone can see your real name anyway when they mouse over your screen name. Sometimes, the name of the university can help us to help you - perhaps someone has experience with a college in particular.

Good luck!
VVCepheiA 11 / 30 3  
Jan 14, 2013   #3
I like the second part =)
However, I would recommend you to be more specific on YOURSELF. Write something that only you can contribute :)


Home / Scholarship / Medical care for those live in third-world ; Contribution to diversity
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳