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Meeting new African people - What excites you. Mastercard Scholarship


henry15 2 / 3 1  
Oct 15, 2018   #1
Please help me review my essay and lend me ideas on how to further improve it.

Question:
We want to hear what excites you and what you are passionate about. Please write about a topic that is important to you and how this reflects your personal values

My answer:

Meeting new people is something that I find very fascinating doing, and this has always given me a strong sense of social belonging. I love to socialize and also ensure that I am in continuous reach with people I connect with. I find great joy reaching out to people and sharing ideas over a range of issues that affect our lives directly.

Living in an African society divided by strong religious and ethnic views has further encouraged me to reach out to people in order to understand the everyday challenges of human and how best to integrate into the society. I have been able to achieve a great amount of this through the social media which is indeed a large network base of people. I have been opportune to spearhead various social media campaigns, ranging from politics, environment, culture, down to religion and actively participated in community services and peer academic tutorials. All this has continued to improve my social and communication skills in the same vein shaped my passion of impacting positively in the lives of people I come in contact with daily.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Oct 16, 2018   #2
NWACHUKWU , simply being involved in social media campaigns for various causes and organizations does not prove a passion nor a topic that is important to you. Social media participation and friends / networks created via social media is not recognized as a true method of keeping in touch with people and making contact with them. These are all too superficial in presentation to be taken seriously by the reviewer.

If you truly wish to improve this essay then remove the social media presentation and use real life, physical interactivity based participation in your causes. Use organization names, explain how you volunteer there, why does doing that for the cause make you feel good? How are you able to impart your personal values to the people whom you have helped through these organizations?

These are the information that is expected for presentation in this statement based upon the prompt. A truly passionate and socially conscious person would not just rely on social media to leave a mark, that person would be out there leaving his mark and working with others to actually promote the cause within a real time set up.


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