Significant Setback/Challenge/Opportunity Essay:
One major set back in my life, was when my mom went to prison. I was living with my step dad at the time, so to say, in our trailer. My mom was away for about a year, and she went to a halfway house for another year following her release. This time was very hard on me, not being able to see my mother was sickening, but I made the best of it. My step dad was the only person in my entire life, besides my mother, that cared about me. My biological father left when I was young, about 5 or so, I tried to get in contact with my father during the time my mom was gone, but I could not get a hold of him, so I assume he wants nothing to do with me.
Before my mother got to come home from the halfway house my step dad died from lung cancer, it killed me when I found out. I went to school like just another day, but something was different that day. I went to school that day, just as I did any other; it was raining on the way to school. I have made my peace with it, but I had felt some kind of uneasiness that day. I went home, when I walked through the door everyone was sitting in the living room, I knew before anyone ever told me what had happened. I walked quietly to my room and began to cry. That was kind of wired to me because I have hardly ever cried in my whole life. It took a very long time for me to make peace with this and move on. I just could not interpret the fact that he was gone, and there was no thing I could do.
I had just turned 11 at the time, I was strong through this time, and it taught me a lot. I have learned how to deal with problems better, to be strong and think clearly through the hard times, and not to just go off and do something stupid. It serves no point to go off and hurt yourself or anyone else, would someone you love want you to go off and do something stupid or get hurt in the process. I never really thought things through or about them very clearly, until this moment in my life. It put my life in perspective, I saw things clearly for the first time, my thought process changed, it had affected me deeply. If not for that moment in my life I don't really know where I would be right now. Sometimes the bad things in life are blessings, and we do not even realize it.
Im not the best at writing, its acctully my worst subject, but tell me what yall think! thanks!
I like the essay but what happened to your mom?
5 = five ..numbers from 1-10 are written out
I feel like you already tell us that your step dad died before the suspense, so reverse it.
It serves no point to go off and hurt yourself or anyone else, would someone you love want you to go off and do something stupid or get hurt in the process.
-because your loved ones do not want to see you hurt.
Try to limit the number of "I"s you use because some of them you don't need.
I really like your story and its an emotional part of your life and you can empasis it a lot and try to get the reader emotionally.
You can add how it felt not to have a mother's support? unless there is a limited number of words
I hope this helps.
Before my mother got to come home from the halfway house my step dad passed away from lung cancer, it killed me when I found out and my mother, because she was unable to go to the funeral. It started like any other day, went to school just as I did every day, but something was different that day. It was raining that morning on the way to school. I had felt some kind of uneasiness all day that day. went home, and when I walked through the door everyone was sitting in the living room talking among themselves, I knew before anyone ever told me what had happened. I walked quietly to my room and began to cry. That was kind of wired to me because I have hardly ever cried in my whole life. It took a very long time for me to make my peace with this and move on. I just could not interpret the fact that he was gone, and there was no thing I could do.
You already tell the reader that your step father passed away so there is no point in telling the readr that you feel uneasy. CHange it around
One day, i went to school just as a i did everyday, but something ws different that day. It was rainging on my way to school. I fellt some kind of uneasiness that day. When i went home and wlked through the door everyone (who is everyon because you say taht the only two people who care about you is your mom and step father) was sitting in the living room talking among themselves, and they told me my step fathr had passed away from lung cancer. I walked quietly to my room and began to cry. That was kind of wired to me because I have hardly ever cried in my whole life.It took a very long time for me to to move on and make amend. I just could not interpret the fact that he was gone, and there was no thing I could do. It has left a deep wound in my heart to lose someone who has helped me go through my mothr's alcoholic issues and he was a father figure that i have always wanted.
----I am sorry, but i added the last sentence to help the reader understand how much your step father meant in your life. It is probably inaccurate bcause i don't know your feelings but i do know how it fels to lose somone who helps you though tough times and then leaves without saying goodbye or someone you will nver see again.
I love your story once again and the situation is recious and it dosn't hppen to most students.
Did you go to your English teacher??????
GO before you turn it in because i am not the best writer and i want you to get the scholarship as much as the next person in line. Good Luck :)
thanx again. your awesome, im going to my english teacher today after school, and submitt everything after he looks over it.
im sorry you know how that feels, i wouldnt wish it on anyone..
