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MORAL EDUCATION; CCI PROGRAM/ Why Community College?


nellasaras 2 / 4  
Oct 8, 2013   #1
Dear admin, i apply CCI program, and there are some essay that i must answer, please correct my grammar, cause i am not too good in english, and please give me some opinion about my essay, im so glad if you can help me :(

1.Please describe why you are a good candidate for the Community College Initiative program. How would this program fit with your past education and training? How would this program fit your future professional and personal goals?

I was the most excited person when I join in any program, especially the program that can improve my knowledge, and leadership skill. In my life I always want to try something new, meet new people from many countries around the world and learn many culture. This program will get me able to get more experience so I am able to expose myself to be internationally-minded person and expanding my relation to many other countries. Although this program fields - early childhood education- is not suitable to my past education, but I have so much to learn from my social activities. When I became a volunteer in the social school for toddlers. I've realized that children should be given quality education from the beginning. Not only a formal education but also a moral education. So I wanted to dedicate myself to helping children's education and contribute more to society by being a bridge that can share information and knowledge about early childhood education from various countries. Understand intercultural communication and international education experience. I want to improve early childhood education in Indonesia, working at international company for early childhood education, positioned for contributing my ideas trough child development, or build a social child education foundation is what I expected to do in my future. I would be very appreciative and thankful that I was given the opportunity will be given community college initiative program to help fulfill my dream.

regards,
nellasaras
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Oct 8, 2013   #2
I wasam the most excited person

Don't think this is a good statement to open the paragraph with. Write something more catchy.

. In my life I always want to try something new

---> I have always tried to experience new things

This program will get me ableenable me to getachieve more experiences so I am able to expose myself to be internationally-minded person and expanding my relation to many other countries around the world and learn more about different/variousmany cultures .

Although this program fields - early childhood education- is not suitable to my past education background , but I have so much to learn from my social activities.

I recommend you to delete this sentence. Just try to introduce yourself as a suitable person for this program. How the social activities could prepare you for this program (focus on this issue)

I'veI have (do not use contractions) realized that children should be given quality education should be provided for children from the beginning, n ot only a formal education but also a moral education

SoThus, I wanteddecided to dedicate myself to helping children's education and contribute more to the society by being a bridge that can share information and knowledge about early childhood education from various countries. Understand intercultural communication and international education experience(connect this sentence to the previous one by using a transition) . My dream/goal isI want to improve early childhood education in Indonesia, working at an international company for early childhood education (what did you try to say?) , positioned for contributing my ideas trough child development, or build a social child education foundation is what I expectedeagerly seek to do in mythe future. I would be very appreciativeappreciate if you would give me anand thankful that I was given the opportunity will be givento pursue my goals by accepting my request for being a part of the community college initiative program to help fulfill my dream.

hope this helps,
Cheers,
Ahmad
OP nellasaras 2 / 4  
Oct 9, 2013   #3
dear ah_zafari : thank you so much for your help. it is my first time to write an essay :( so i really need help to make my essay more catchy. so what i must write to open the paragraph with?
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Oct 9, 2013   #4
I was the most excited person when I join in any program, especially the program that can improve my knowledge, and leadership skill.

Don't think this is a good statement to open the paragraph with. Write something more catchy.

I agree with Ahmad.Try to show this through some event or experience. Otherwise this would be just a statement you make. When you talk through experiences, your reader would be more convinced.

This program will get me able to get more experience so I am able to expose myself to be internationally-minded person and expanding my relation to many other countries.

This program will help me gain more experience and broaden my perspectives.
OP nellasaras 2 / 4  
Oct 9, 2013   #5
to dumi, thank you for your opinion, it really helped me. like i said to az zafari , it was my first time to write an essay. so i dont know how to make a good essay.

oh yea this is another question. need your opinion and correction again :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Oct 9, 2013   #6
oh yea this is another question. need your opinion and correction again :)

Hey... you need to open a fresh thread for this new question. Otherwise you will not gain any feedbacks for this and also it is against forum rules. Open a new thread and have a meaningful topic that can attract others attention to hop into your thread :D Also include the prompt as you did above. I am going to remove it now from this thread and hope to meet you in your new thread. That's an admin function assigned to me :)


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