I'm Luca and want to apply for thesis abroad scholarship in Barcelona.. Have some doubts about my motivation which I think is loosing main points. To go short - thesis is about two cities, scholarship is needed for research part, which will take place in Barcelona. As text is not finished I'm afraid its already getting too big and I think I had to speak about Barcelona more and earlier... I need your suggestions how to shorten, what to erase, what to add etc..
Ongoing semester is last semester in my university career and this summer I already started thinking about my thesis. Initially I wanted to work on my hometown - Tbilisi, capital of Georgia. As I know this city, its plans for future development, I think now is the crucial moment to bring change and European experience - the reason why I came in Italy. As future professional my main practice will be facing tasks set by rapid development of Tbilisi and with my thesis I want to be prepared for it. My final academic work should be strong manifest, foundation driving my academic practice in real life.
I fully dedicated this summer to observations of the city, researching, meeting with local institutions, trying to detect background of problems, that Tbilisi and society are now facing. For example, in July people took to the streets as research by the International Energy Agency (IEA) said Tbilisi was the world's deadliest city in terms of death rate related to air pollution. Unfortunately, this was not surprising after all, as city of 1.3 million residence holds 400 000 cars, plus unknown number of transit vehicle. Occurred events and observation led my notions towards sustainable, green development, that could be applicable answer how to bring change?! One generic, gradual strategy should be set on different scales to increase quality of life, as one street or intervention can't be neither source of problem nor source for the solutions. Scaling between local, urban and regional solutions should be leading tool resulting accurate strategy. Lastly, I assumed my survey with selecting one part of the city, where first steps need to take place - historical center of the city, that is the focal point in terms of environmental and social issues. Now, under influence of market economy, tourist flows, immense number of vehicle, historical center is shrinking. More than 15 centuries ago city was founded here because of rich environmental resources, some are still present (thermal Sulfur waters, river, botanic gardens, iconic topography, and so on) It is absurd to see such a rich place of natural resources to have poorest quality of life in the city. I believe that historical city still can become case study to bring new life on urban and regional scale. The force driving this life could be water, as river and thermal water was the force that brought city and society here, 15 centuries ago.
Water is one of the most fascinating substances in the universe from subatomic to cosmic scales, as well as at every scale of human interest and inquiry in between. In the last century the branding of cities has become very common for urban regeneration. This has attracted more economic investment as a result of the nationwide competitive environment. Major cities all over the globe are experiencing an increase in the urban redevelopment in terms of city centre revitalization, riverfront development. Very few cities in Europe have managed to revitalize their waterfronts with creativity, quality and connectivity relative to their natural resources. However, in certain cases, like in Barcelona, this attempt to create vibrant streets, pedestrian traffic, entryways to historical centre, reclaimed waterfronts, safe sites for recreation and lodging we see as successful process. I have a fortune to know personally one of the authors of Barcelona riverfront reclamation plan - Victor Tenez Ybern. His lecture, "Back to River", given at OC Summer School brought more inspirations about my initial idea of scaling water. I started thinking about water more globally, about extensive collaboration between two cities to understand how water phenomena scale-up, scale-down, and diffuse across space and time to solve critical problems in the city, for sustainable development. Barcelona case could be perfect example for city of Tbilisi, as they share crucial specificity such as scale of river, infrastructural development along river, topography and so on.
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Luca, I don't really see any motivation in your essay at this point. You are right about it being too long and sadly, it is too long without accomplishing its purpose. The motivation for your desire to go abroad for this scholarship thesis should be represented early on in the essay. The first paragraph needs to immediately infer the topic for your thesis. The second paragraph, should discuss why you feel that this thesis is important and in the third, explain how going to Barcelona will accomplish this for you.
You have too much information in your essay that makes me think that you are still undecided about what your thesis should be. That is why your essay lacks focus and direction. You need to decide on a single thesis topic, develop the statement, then present it in the essay. If you try to present 2 thesis statements, your motivation will never become clear nor solid to the reader. Basically, you need to pick one thesis and stick to it. I do believe that it would be best if you just write a totally new motivation essay at this point because this version will be hard to fix in order to make it follow the proper format.