Hello! I have spent considerably a lot of time writing this motivational letter, my friend has revised it also few times, however. DAAD scholarship is very important for me since I can't fund myself to study in Germany (I mean, the reasons, why i want ti study in Germany in the letter, but I can't study without any scholarship there)), please revise and give a feedback, thank you! Maybe is it too long and should I remove some parts? or it seems pretty okay?
A letter of motivation
When I was at school, my mother often used to say: "Push yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you". Since then I have perceived her words as the motto I often follow. It came with experience, that to reach a high goal, I have to believe in myself, be inspired of the idea and clearly understand what I would gain. Currently, I am a final-year student of the bachelor program at the Institute of Applied System Analysis at the Kyiv Polytechnic Institute. Through this letter, I would like to express my intention to apply to the master program "Business Informatics" because I am highly interested in data mining, analytical systems and its connection with the business environment and have a strong willingness to study this field.
My involvement in this area significantly increased when I did the research about the opinion leader's influence in social networks on the example of Twitter. It revealed to me the importance of data analysis, especially in the web and business environment. It gives a lot of opportunities to the entrepreneur to outline target audience and develop the strategy regarding the proper way of delivering right information to them. The following semester I had an advanced course on database systems. In the end, I completed a project with my colleague. It included a development of the multi-functional informational system "Hospital" in order to relieve and replace paperwork in healthcare institutions. I have always had a belief that academic knowledge should be applied and demonstrating it is the best option during university education. A few months later I found an internship at the small company with the aim of deepening my knowledge in this area. The aim of the final project was to develop the informational system "Human resources department". Such experience helped me to apply my theoretical knowledge on practice and improve my skills in programming databases. Afterwards, my attention has been drawn by a book "Data and processes analysis" which describes principles of data mining systems and how they are implemented in companies. Familiarity with it allowed me to set my vocational and academic goals more defined, as well as to realize that I want to become more professional in this area despite it requires deep research and hardworking.
During my studies, I also participated in the student case championship simply called "Case Champ". All teams were given a real business case. The goal of the competition was to find the solutions and to present the best one. This championship significantly developed my analytical and brainstorming skills and the ability to quickly find solutions. I do believe that these qualities are essential in the Business Informatics area.
Besides academic achievements, I joined the international volunteer student organization BEST (Board of European Student of Technology). Spending time with open-minded students in the international environment, learning different culture and implementing useful projects, enriched me with different life perception and taught me how to think in a new way. During years 2014/2015, I was the Vice-President for Corporate Relations. Also, I led a team of nine people, conducted trainings about how to fundraise resources from companies and represent our organization. Further on, during the mentioned course, held in May 2014, I was in charge of all academic responsibilities. The topic was about IT startups and Business. I managed to attract successful entrepreneurs to share their experience and conduct lectures and seminars for international students. I learned concepts of IT business development, startup marketing strategies and basics of web analytics. Consequently, inspirational lectures also helped me to realize that I do not have to be afraid of setting high goals as well as one principle: "The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones". Frankly, the period in BEST has significantly changed my worldview. I learned about falls and growths, fails and successes. A range or trainings I have attended are leadership, time management, presentation and negotiation skills, fundraising and more. The important benefit was also improvement of my general and business communication skills, ability to negotiate, team-building, teamwork and how to be a leader. I believe that highly-qualified specialist in Business Informatics has to possess these career-related soft skills, which will have a positive consequence on academic and professional achievements.
I am definitely eager to study at the University of Mannheim because my research about the institution showed me its value to be mainly associated with the School of Business Informatics and Mathematics. I was pleased to read that University's good connections with enterprises give students more opportunities to build relationships with companies. For example, there are a lot of guest lectures and workshops and sometimes students have chances to do case study presentations in companies. Surveys of human resource managers show that Manheim graduates are always amongst the TOP 3. In my opinion, it is, doubtless, a very admirable achievement. In addition, deeper research revealed that the University offers a range of valuable courses regarding the given program. One of the most important for me is the understanding that this master program very suits my gained knowledge and future plans, because area of data mining and business is exactly the one I would like to develop and work in. Also, many alumni from the university say that Mannheim is a small comfortable student city with a big part of international people who come to study there. I reckon it is a good advantage because it will be easier for me to adapt to student life in Germany.
Many individuals agree that Business Information Technology engineers play a vital role in societal evolution, securing them excellent future career prospects. In fact, no business can survive without data analysis. It is true that there are many companies in Ukraine which need such experts. It requires a deep knowledge of data and web mining, business intelligence and management of corporate systems. The master program in Mannheim offers many beneficial courses such as Web Mining, Information Retrieval, Web Research and others. I am assured that studying there will not only help me to become a qualified data and web analyst, but will also give me an overview how these fields are implemented in foreign enterprises, so that I will have a chance to show gained knowledge in my country after the program. This is the reason I am applying for the Business Informatics master program in the University of Mannheim under DAAD scholarship. Despite the fact that all the courses I would like to take are taught in English, I think that the knowledge of German language is considerably important for communication and ordinary life in the country. Thus, I am planning to enroll an intensive course of German language soon.
To summarize, I would like to say that I am ready to take the challenge and eager to learn, improve and broaden my knowledge in Business Informatics. It requires hard working, project development, big efforts and research. I am persuaded that participation in this internationally oriented program and gaining well-founded theoretical knowledge will enable me to develop IT-supported solutions of operational problems and apply them in business organizations. I hope to return back to Ukraine and implement valuable experience by starting a career in IT company and thereby benefiting Ukrainian IT industry. Also, my future dream is to teach students of my faculty about Web and Data Analysis, which is an important part of system analysis. I think that getting practical knowledge by working in a company and teaching that to students would be important combination. I do believe that I am a suited candidate for this program because I am highly motivated, hardworking, energetic and determined to achieve my goals no matter how much efforts it costs. I have a strong feeling that studying Business Informatics at the University of Mannheim and working in the dynamic environment is a right investment for my future life and career.
Thank you for considering my application.
Sincerely,
Puhachov Oleksandr
I didn't read the whole letter, but I recommend to not to start your SOP with a memory of your childhood- It's not very groundbreaking!!
Currently, I am a final-yearsenior student of the bachelor program at the Institute of Applied System Analysis at the Kyiv Polytechnic Institute . Through this letter, I would like to express my intention to apply to the master program "Business Informatics" because I am highly interested in data mining, analytical systems and its connection with the business environment and have a strong willingness to study this field.
Since I am highly interested in data mining, analytical systems and its connection with the business environment, I am very eager/ motivated/ interested to apply to the master program "Business Informatics"
Oleksandr, I read your essay and believe me it's very long. Before anything else, I'd like to suggest that you take time to learn the following;
- what is a motivational letter
- what are the contents of a motivational letter
- how do you address a motivational letter
The guidelines above are just the initial ones that you have to abide in order to come up with a strong motivational letter. It's true that your letter is long but this doesn't mean that you have to re- write the whole letter, you just have to know the facts on writing such a letter.
Now, a motivation letter is as follows;
- what motivated you to apply for the DAAD Scholarship
- do not write the story of your life, a little background about your family, finances, hobby and more on your academic life
- write more about your future academic goals
Now, ask yourself, do you deserve this scholarship, of course you do.
Write about your participation both to your school and to the society and how will you incorporate this in the school in Germany or in the community where you will be relocating.
I wish to see a revised essay here on EF so we can assist you further.
