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MSMEs Development - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? (AAS)

saritasph 1 / 1  
May 17, 2021   #1
Sarita here,
I am applying for scholarship and trying to answer the question with characters of less than 2000 to comply with the requirement
Kindly need feedback on this
Thank you in advance!

scholarship application essay

MSMEs are expected to be the biggest engine to drive Indonesia's productivity for economic recovery after the pandemic. The President ambitiously targets MSMEs to contribute XX% (vs. current XX%) to total funding by 2024 to support recovery. Fintech lending has undeniably been one of the biggest stimulus for MSMEs growth, allowing MSMEs to reap the benefits of technology advancement. My aspiration is to take leadership role in Product and Partnership in fintech lending. I chose Master of Enterprises/Entrepreneurship and Innovation as the focus is on providing management skills to lead people with a value creation and innovation mindset. Leading in a rapidly growing organization requires agility and quick strategic response to business environmental changes. Combined with my financial modeling and consulting skills which equip me with empathy and ability to translate ideas into quantitative output, I believe that collaborative leadership can be stimulated to unleash the potential of the organization and establish products and partnerships for MSMEs to sustainably thrive.

I chose University of Melbourne for its relevant capstone projects to my chosen career, "Strategy, Ethics, & Governance" and "Innovation and Enterprise Project". UniMelb has shown extensive contribution for MSMEs through research, student ideas funding (e.g LatihID), and microfinance organizations. Moreover, UniMelb also offers a wide range of student programs for personal development. Lastly, Melbourne is a city with multicultural society with a friendly environment to network and inspire creativity. I also chose Australian National University for its tailored-specialization courses to better meet students' needs. Located in Canberra, ANU offers an intriguing less vibrant culture to motivate productivity. There are also notable Indonesian alumnus such as Mari Elka Pangestu, World Bank's Managing Director of Development Policy and Partnerships and Dr. Muhammad Chatib Basri, a former Minister Finance of Indonesia.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,217 4648  
May 18, 2021   #2
Course choices per university need to be presented in separately developed paragraphs. Those paragraphs need to have a specific reference toyour understudy courses and professional exposure to portray a solid reason for each. Your discussion of these aspects are not convincing and sound more like you just rephrased commonly known information that could have been picked out of the website rather than your academic and professional needs. There are no specific reasons relating to your educational and work needs that prove an imperative need for these lines of study.

The choices based on noted graduates means nothing in this essay since you failed to connect these names to relevant reasons for your choices. Why are these people important to you? How did they influence the course choice and university beyond being university alumna? Since you mention the names without relevance, the reviewer could care less about these names as mentioned.
OP saritasph 1 / 1  
May 19, 2021   #3
Thank you for the feedback
I totally get your point
Will revise accordingly

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