Networking is crucial to developing the economy further - Chevening

Hi guys :). Please critique my essay below

study in the UK - networking essay

Networking is about interacting with the right people and using the connections created for mutual gains and for the good of the community at large.

The development of my professional networking skills started from my experiences as a student leader. I was elected as the Organising Secretary for the xxx Students Association. During this period, I organized sports events, field trips for students and educational seminars and talks whereby I would invite seasoned actuaries as keynote speakers. To achieve this, I was an active participant at the national level XXX Society of Kenya (TASK) where I was able to interact with actuaries and key people from the corporate world. During my tenure, I organized an end of year actuarial dinner that brought together the highest number of students that had ever been achieved by my predecessors. This had required me to raise funds to facilitate the event. Using my networks, I contacted actuaries from several organisations, notably Commercial Bank of Africa and East Africa Re-insurance to negotiate for funding to facilitate the event. In turn, I offered the sponsors advertising space in the annual actuarial magazine. I was able to raise more than the event's budget. The dinner served as a networking event between students and the corporate fraternity whereby students secured internship opportunities. A number of students were able to secure permanent positions in the companies after graduation. To this day, through regular engagements, I still use these networks to develop my career through exchanging information, especially since my job involves sourcing for confidential data from financial institutions.

I am a mentor of the XXXX, a Clinton Global foundation that focuses on mentoring girls through intensive workshops in life skills, financial literacy, reproductive health among others. We hold regular networking events to deliberate on the best courses of action to ensure the girls have a good experience. I recently facilitated a workshop on reproductive health among the girls at Starehe Girls Center. It is from this workshop that I was then able to relay the needs of the students to the other mentors, a result of which led to more regular informative engagements with the girls at the school on their reproductive health. Additionally, we have come together to contribute to enable girls from marginalized communities to attend a 7-month '21st Century Skills Program' in efforts to end female genital mutilation (FGM). His program provides them with commercial skills and opportunities for college scholarships. The ripple effect of this is that people from the places they hail from then see the importance of education and gradually do away with FGM. Recent data shows that 92% of families in West Pokot now believe that FGM should be abolished.

An opportunity to study in the UK will help me grow my professional networks across boundaries. I intend to promote the Chevening program among the students at XXX to onboard future scholars. My current networks with influential people in the financial sector will be beneficial to alumni.

"During this period, I organized ... To achieve this, I was ..."

The first sentence indicated you are already doing something... It's not a task that flows with the beginning of the second sentence.

Your second paragraph is more or less a leadership answer

@Teebest Thank you for the feedback. Would you suggest that i reword this paragraph to bring out the networking better or should i give another example altogether?

Doreen, the strongest networking sample is the best networking sample in this essay. Forget the academic network that you created. That is not as relevant nor impressive as your involvement in the Clinton Global Foundation. Focus the essay on that network discussion instead. Discuss how you came to be involved with the foundation, why you had to develop a network of other related organizations and its leaders in relation to your tasks at the CGF and, this is the most important part, why the foundation you belong to and the network it has helped you create a comprehensive network that spreads across international concerns such as FGM, clean water, country rehabilitation after calamities, and the like. Offer solid examples of how the network has helped you with your CGF tasks. One or two instances will work. Actually, one highly impressive example, that shows how the network truly worked to help the foundation accomplish its objectives functioned.

I am absolutely certain that the CGF reference will be impressive and memorable to the scholarship reviewer. Build on it. Highlight it. Make sure you strengthen your application essay based upon that relationship.