Hi everyone ! Please, I need your help to check this essay. Feel free to recommend any suggestions.
The value of wide social network was proved to me when I first learned about the opening of a new hospital in my city through a family friend. I was newly graduated from medical school and looking for a suitable position to start my career as a junior surgeon.
I was told that medical staff recruiting for the hospital had begun, and I should apply as early as possible. Hence, I did and was fortunately accepted.
My employment in ( xx ) hospital was an enriching experience, I was privilege to work with amazing people with different nationalities, doctors and surgeons from France, Serbia, Ukraine, and nurses from Philippine.
Efficient networking and communication between different medical specialities are essential part of our career, because they help provide integral health care to our patients.
My networking skills allowed me once to act quickly to save a patient's life. That day I was consulted by a friend working in the cardiovascular department, his elderly patient was complaining of abdominal pain. After I had examined his 70 years old patient, I noticed a suspicious pulsation in his abdomen. Alarmed by the possibility of a serious condition like aortic aneurysm, I immediately contacted the senior surgeon in my team, who was an excellent French surgeon, I told him about the patient and my suspicion. He went with me and examined the patient, and was convinced that the patient needed urgent surgical intervention.
My friend was pleased with my quick response that helped save his patient.
I understand that networking is essential for career development, my past experience prove that I had the needed skills and the enthusiasm to engage around me, and that I enjoy knowing people from different cultures.
As a Chevening scholar, I will have the opportunity to meet professionals from different countries, particularly surgeons and doctors. An excellent chance to learn from their experiences, and to share our knowledge and the means to overcome similar obstacles in our countries. This environment is a breeding ground for new ideas and initiatives.
Being a member of Chevening community is a privilege and an exciting experience. I'll be committed to assist and motivate other scholars through different activities.
Dear Sal, here are some advices, feel free to correct me if I get wrong,
The value of wide social network was proved to me when I first ... -->
During my first experience of establishing a new hospital in my city, I have learned the values of social network.
I was newly graduated from medical school and looking for ... -->
As I just graduate from medical school, I am looking for a suitable position for my career in surgery, which is as a junior surgeon.
I was told that medical staff recruiting for the hospital had begun, and I should ... -->
When the job vacancy in the hospital was opened, I applied as soon as I could. Fortunately, the hospital accepted me to become its employee
My employment in ( xx ) hospital was an enriching experience, I was privilege ... -->
There are a lot of experiences to work with amazing people with different nationalities, include French, Serbia, Ukraine and Philippine, which I believe it as privileged experience in that hospital.
Hope it helps you to improve your writing,