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Networking skills question essay in theatre performance / practice MA , Chevening scholarship


Mora 1 / -  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
I need your help by giving your feedback in my essay thanks in advance ( this the essay content )

Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage ...

my answer is

When I was a kindergarten teacher I was responsible for the creative learning materials exhibition and represent my school which I worked for ( saint Mary school ) at the study year at south of Cairo governmental and national schools , I was concern to visit the all other schools exhibition to learn from their work and asked them about the object , materials , methods to use the materials in learning children , how to make it by another materials and open a dissections and invite them to my school exhibition and explain the object , materials , methods to use the materials in learning children , how to make it by another materials , then I invite them / her to our graduation , mid year party and that's helped me to be get a training opportunity in their school and gain a great experience tn how to work with children which have difficulties in learning .

It's really great the experience you can get from people , its experience learning method , once I attended career development workshop I heard about professional NGO jobs , I searched for the NGOs here in Cairo so I found save the children NGO web site and it was announced about humanitarian work and soft skills workshop in project targeted youth Egyptian and Syrian who seek working in NGO it was a great opportunity for me to build a network with trainers and the project coordinators I presented my skills , previous experience in working in education field , my English language , volunteering experience , my passion in arts and theatre in human development and build relationship with Syrians trainees and hanged out them once in cv writing session two of them couldn't write their cv I offered help how to write their cv .the experience of attending humanitarian work and soft skills workshop opened a good network which helped me to achieved my goal working in an international NGO with a incredible reputation in humanitarian field whish was save the children as an English facilitator with African refugees in community centre ( Ard Ellwa) Cairo .

While I have been worked in save the children NGO on of my Syrian friend told me about a thaetre and arts workshop with Syrian youth which will end a play , I attended and most of them were secondary and college students it was a challenge to trained I started to introduced my self study , hobbies , and I shared some experience with the Syrian before in humanitarian workshop in save the children , sing Syrian songs and discussed Syrian theatre plays writers ,celebrate feast and attend plays together . I tried to find sharing ground to start with them especially I attended it after 2 weeks later they started the workshop and after 2 years now I am following them and their theatre activities then the workshop became a development initiative seeking manifestation space for the Syrian youth in Egypt using arts I volunteered in it , it gave me a great experience to work closely with Syrian refugees and then I found of them shared an announcement about a NGO of UNICAF project need a facilitator and I applied for a theater facilitator and I get accepted .
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,765 4768  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
Mora, the first thing that you have to know about your essay is that the format you have it currently in makes it highly difficult to read. Please use proper spacing between paragraphs and most importantly, break down the discussion into separate topic paragraphs. Right now, the essay looks and reads like one tremendously long narration from beginning to end. This will not sit well with the reviewer who may just change his mind about reviewing your essay.

Now, as to the networking aspect. What you have presented is not a form of professional networking in relation to your work or project developments. The networking that you speak of here is that of a personal network that is developed among friends and co-workers. These are not the networks among people who can help you further your career in the future. In fact, there is no clear path towards networking on your end that can be spoken of in the essay.

What you need to do is concentrate on the presentation of your networking skill. For example, consider the workshop that you attended. Who did you meet? What did you learn? How did the workshop apply to your work? Did you attend any similar workshops after that? In what capacity? Would you say that the 2nd workshop helped you build on the connections that you made in the first workshop? If yes, then how did that happen?

Finally, your network essay needs to close with a statement regarding how you can help Chevening create a new network that can benefit the students who you will be mentoring from the scholarship in the future. Explain how you look forward to sharing your network and how you hope to also gain something from being exposed to the already existing Chevening network in your field of work.

Needless to say, there are some major revisions to be done to your essay. I hope that you will be able to find the right activities to write about in relation to the prompt.
ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Nov 1, 2016   #3
Hello, actually, when I read your essay, it makes me confuse, but i will give you suggestion, i hope it will help you :
Divide your essay into several paragraphs, to make reader more understand:

1. Introduction
*Explain about Chevening just 1-2 sentences,
*What do you want, why do you want to join with this program. 3-4 sentences

2. Your idea or opinion: you can make it become 2 paragraph
* Explain you experience, your skills and what the other that you have (You must make reader believe and wonder with your ability, so they will interest with you)

3. Conclusion/ result
*explain why you must chosen in this program and explain you have skills more than other which make ypu different with other people.


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