Hi.I am trying out for KGSP 2016 undergraduate scholarship. They want us to write A personal statement containing these topics _
KOREA TECHNOLOGY
Korea dominates the world in technology . Feats of engineering are evident throughout Korea. I fell in love with Korea when I learned about Korea's topmost universities' achievements when it comes to research in technology. My love for Computer science and engineering has movitated me to apply for KGSP scholarship. Getting world recognized KGSP scholarship would be an once in a life time opportunity where I can learn from best of the best through very competitive, creative & practical environment.
Coming from a middle class 3rd world country Bangladesh, I never had the proper opportunity to study coding. The knowledge that I have now is mostly self taught. However, I have huge passion for Computer and programming. The biggest influence of my family would be my father who kept inspiring me from the age of 5 to become a man of science. Thanks to his constant reminders, I never doubted myself that one day I'll reach that position as long as I provide myself the right path.
My high school background is science. I continued my high school studies through a scholarship I received from Government of the People's Rupublic of Bangladesh. Only top 0.1%in the whole country received that scholarship. I spent 1st two years of high school at Preparatory high school and I graduated from Noor public high school and college.During high school I attended various science fair and I have had my fair shares of wins. I was vice President of student body council and a reporter for bulletin board. I was a player at our school's volleyball team.
I am forever grateful to my school because not only they taught me to dream big, they gave me so many opportunities to do community services. I was a volunteer at Saint Mother Teresa's Missionaries where I was helping provide food & collect fund for mentally disabled people.I also did some teaching at a very low profile garments factory where I taught English & social consciousness to 20-30 year old women.
I had already made up my mind in school that I wanted to research work in the future in science field but I wasn't sure which side I have the most passion for. So, I went to various workshops/seminars like renewable energy,biotechnology,astrophysics, outsourcing etc and wrote reviews from a students perspective at school magazine and online newspapers. I fell in love with programming when I was attending an astrophysics workshop ! Prof. Dr. A A Mamun was giving lecture on how programming is a daily part of astrophysics research. He showed us some simple python coding which awed me and I knew then and there that computer programming is the subject for me. My interest for coding and everything related computer grew no bound. I self taught myself HTML,python & basic C ++. With time, it became more than just a carrier choice, it became a passion.
The riskiest and eye openings act I have done is to join revolutionary "Gono-jagoron " act (Trans_ awakening stage ). This was a protest against war criminals of 1971. Through this act, I came across Manny great minds of our country. Theirs accomplishments in both science field and society made me realize that I have to serve my country in my own way. I know that life is very unpredictable and it rarely goes the way we plan it to go,but I am determined that once I complete my studies I'll make an non profit coding school for rural children.
I never would have thought about getting an undergraduate degree from Korea 5 years ago. Because at first I was drawn to only Hallyu effect and Korean culture. My interest made me learn a little bit of Hangul. I can speak English, Bangla, Hindi , Arabic and a little bit of Hangul and Japanese.I play the violin. I received awards from my school for out standing result in 2013.
This is me, nothing exceptional. However, my passion for Computer science is greater than anything in my life. I am not afraid to dream big and work hard to achieve my dreams. I would give anything to study CSE and get this scholarship.
I can help you with your essay. There are two changes you can make: You can delete But and begin the sentence with "I have a huge passion for computer engineering..." Also, the next sentence you could state: "I am motivated to apply for this program and receive this scholarship so..." Delete is proving this huge and replace it with "will be a once in a lifetime" Do you mean a new environment at a competitive university in Asia?
You could state: "Thanks to him," You could describe it as "follow the right path". Remember to use the past tense, change receive to "received".
I can help you make a change to help your reader understand the first statement: "I don't believe that a person should wait for inspiration, rather a person should gain as much knowledge and experience as possible." You should state: "I was helping provide foods...lending a helping hand". If you want to avoid using "and" at the beginning of a sentence, you can start your sentence with, "Through this act, I..." Change got to "made me" and serve back to "give back to".
In the first sentence, place a comma after school. Delete (such a weird combination) . The next sentence, you can place a comma after "big". Change spend to "spent" and is to "was a". You could state "20-30 year old women". A freelance opportunity is work experience. You could state that you also do freelance work online.
I would avoid stating "nothing exceptional" for a scholarship. Yet, if you want to include it you could state: So this is me. Nothing exceptional. But I believe that the passion I have for Computer science I just have a passion for computer science that will hopefully help me open up a nonprofit..." I'm unsure if you have answered the last question. Did you receive any rewards?
yes i did receive some awards but i don't think that i will be mentioning them if I can't get them to be notarized . Thank you so much for the help. anything i should add ? Something that I shouldn't mention like "GONO jagonor moncho "?
- The biggest influence fromof my family...
- ...would be from my father who kept inspiring me,
- pushing me from the age of 5, that I had to be a scientist.
- AndT hanks to him I never doubted...
- ...myself that one day I'll reach that point,
- ...if I canso long as I provide myself a right path.
- ...protesting.a nd through this act...
- ...I hadhave to serve back my country .
- I never had the chance tohad the work opportunity
- but I'm aam freelancer at Odesk.
- ....SoT his is me.,n othing exceptional .
- ButHowever, I believe that the passion...
There you have it, I hope the remarks I made helps.
Thank you you guys for the corrections. If I post my final draft here , will you please evaluate it ?
You should be more careful in grammer
I don't believe that a person should wait for inspiration to slap him her in the face
should be
I don't believe that a person should wait for inspiration to slap him/her in the face
Hope this helps.
