Nothing is happier than turning your favourite hobby as a career

"Optimism is the key to success"

My father, my role model, highly supported me for my education and charity projects. Since I was young, I attended English four skills courses to improve my English. I participated in English essay contests and won prizes. I had also achieved outstanding student awards when I was in state school. I started learning about Korean culture when I was in high school. My friend and I are interested in Korean music and culture so we started to learn Korean language through songs. After I passed matriculation exam, I chose business management major. The reason why I chose business management is to gain knowledge about business fields and to improve my skills such as leadership and management skills, problem solving skill, strategic thinking skill, presentation and reporting skill, etc. As I expected, I did really gained knowledge about starting a business and improve my skills while I studied business management.

In my college days, I actively participated in school activities such as football, cheerleader, school play, etc. As an active participant in activities, I have gained many experiences and abilities such as team-working skill, communication skill, problem solving skill, etc. I have also achieved awards for doing social activities. Although I participated in many activities, I also put effort in my study. I finished my bachelor degree with upper second class which is the second highest class in UK grading system. During my leisure time, I love to read books because books help me to improve my thinking and gain knowledge. As I grow older, I realize that I am love to write as well as I love reading books. Moreover, I love volunteering, helping people and dealing with children. For that reason, I joined YWCA: Young Women Christian Association in 2016. Currently, I am volunteering there and participating in youth programs. I went to elementary school with volunteers from local YWCA and World Friends Korea. We taught children and the feeling I get is priceless. While I am volunteering, I have learnt about how to be contented with what I own and I want to do more charity works. Furthermore, I participated in First Myanmar Autism Game as a volunteer leader and I am a co-founder of a charity group called Lat-Twal-Kuu which means giving hands to those who are in needs. We donated money, meals and snacks especially to school and orphanage. The more I do volunteer work, the more I realized what I truly want to be. I want to help people from developing countries, encourage them and educate them.

"Optimism is the key to success", my favorite quote, leads me to overcome the obstacles I had faced. Whenever I face obstacles, I think positively and try to overcome it. Moreover, I strongly believe in "If you are very passionate, it will happen". This quote is one of the motivations to apply KGSP because I am very passionate to study in Korea. Furthermore, after my dad passed away, my mom is the only one who is supporting two daughters. Tuition fees of my little sister is half of the money we earned per month. Life gets harder after he passed away as he is the main supporter for me and my sister's education. Since then, I don't want to be a burden to my mother and decided to apply scholarship program. Besides, it will be difficult for me to continue my further study if I do not get this scholarship. I might not be able to study what I truly love and my dream cannot be fulfilled. Since my family almost bankrupt, I cannot ask money for my further study from my mother. The only way to continue my further study is to get scholarship. I finished my bachelor degree from UK however I chose Korea for my further study. That is the main reason why I am motivated to apply for this program. The main reason is because of its education system. Moreover, Korea Government and Koreans are not racists. They warmly invite international students for exchange programs and give scholarships. Korea is a well-developed country especially in media and technology. Korea economic is stable and Korean government support a lot for volunteers and charity programs. In addition, Korea's education system is high. I believe it can open up the wide range of career opportunities for my better future and 3 years study in Korea can help me to be more independent and improve my skills. Furthermore, I can learn about culture diversity since there are many international students studying in Korea. Hence, I chose Korea to study. I am flexible, social and optimistic person. I am also a fast learner. Therefore, I believe myself that I can do well for my further study in Korea.

Min, your essay seems to only present mere overviews of the specified topics in the prompt requirements. Do no be afraid to present a deeper meaning to the information you are presenting. Specifically, focus on your professional experience in relation to the KGSP requirements. While I admire your extra curricular activities and the fact that you are very conscious of your responsibility towards the less fortunate, I do not see how this relates to your chosen masters program for study. In fact, I don't believe you mentioned your masters program in this essay at all. You must explain your professional experience in relation to that in order for the reviewer to better assess your capabilities and qualifications for the scholarship.

It is also best if you do not mention "racism" in your essay. While Korea is a friendly country that welcomes its visitors, it is not good for your essay to mention something that is politically explosive. In addition to that, the presentation of your family's misfortune in relation to your desire to study in Korea should not be the only reason for it. That may be your personal reason, but the reviewer requires an academic reason to support that. So do not offer the whole last paragraph to just the presentation of your family woes. You are not writing a soap opera.

Focus on revising the essay to be more inclusive of the following requirements:
1. An in-depth discussion of your college accomplishments and only the most impressive of your volunteer activities, in relation to your college extra curricular demands.
2. A thorough presentation of your professional qualifications for this masters degree, mention the specific masters degree you will be studying.
3. A more professional motivation for your masters degree requirement.
4. A more academic, less personal reason for wanting to study in Korea. Bring the discussion about your studying Hangul with your friend down to this paragraph.

@sofianana21
Hello
Here is some of my advices
- the 'Korea' topic in first paragraph should not be there, i think you could explain as one of the reason why you choose korea, you have had your interest about Korea since high school. Explain it more and relate that reason with your major and the university that you want to apply

-I dont find what major do you want to take for this master's degree, you should add it in your motivation paragraph and relate that motivation with your major, beside telling your motivation about your family.