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NTU scholarship essay: Write a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you (class)

anhquantpc 1 / -  
Dec 10, 2017   #1

my second family

God has brought me a "second family" for my high school years. In this scholarship essay, I want to write about this family, which I consider to be the most amazing community on Earth: class 12 Maths of Tran Phu Gifted High School.

This is a class of solidarity, responsibility and creativeness. Lack of artistic talent, led by the most awkward Youth Union secretary in this universe - me, placed in so talented a school like Tran Phu, but we have never been hindered from any co-curricular activities, as we always try to be creative, to 'think different', and to make everything as "mathematical" as we can. That is how we produced a unique drama for the school's 'Chao Tuan Moi' show, or made our classroom the most decorative one at Christmas, or held some unparalleled Women's Day ceremonies.

A strong community requires strong leadership. Fortunately, that is what 12 Maths has. We have a great homeroom teacher. We have a monitor - a born leader with tremendous charisma, who, together with me, creates a perfect match for the class' leadership. Finally, we have a responsible and enthusiastic vice secretary - a man with imagination and creativity. How lucky I am to study and to work with these amazing people.

It never ceases to amaze me how this family has such a significant influence on me. For the last 2 years, I have changed a lot, from a inactive person to an enthusiastic secretary. To some extent, this is attributed to my class' great encouragement. Thus, I will never forget whenever we do anything together. From these occasions, I can learn many things, including a mountain of working skills that are valuable to my future life. Had it not been for all of these things, I would never be myself today.

dunn4 1 / 3  
Dec 11, 2017   #2
You seem to be emphasizing too much about your class rather than yourself. i suggest you to elaborate more about the good things that you possess rather than your classmates. You should also be writing about how this subject has a personal impact on you.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,051 2730  
Dec 11, 2017   #3
Tran, while I can understand why you would consider the class an important thing in your life, it does not offer the reviewer an insight into why this subject is important. Everything that you discuss is based on a collective achievement and the leadership of someone else. Therefore, the personal importance aspect of the story disappears. What you should be sharing in this essay is a topic that covers one of the following:

1. Personal principle development
2. Sense of worth ethic
3. Importance of free will
4. Your ability to make personal decisions
5. Other related topics

The choices above are the "personal importance" topics that best showcase the requirement of the essay, which is to introduce your beliefs about life, society, or social justice in a manner that is connected with your personal development. While this essay does indicate a topic of importance, it is a collective, instead of individual importance that is presented and as such, weakens your discussion points.

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