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Nursing: my experince will help the underserviced areas


alittlehelp 1 / 3  
Apr 10, 2011   #1
This essay is for a Nursing scholarship. It should be limited to 2,500 characters or less. And answer the question, What experiences have you had or activities have you participated in that have prepared you to work with underserved populations?

I am not finished yet, and would like to know if it has a good flow or not. Thanks for the input!

My goal of becoming a Nurse is a product of both my nature, as well as, my personal experience. Not many people have had the experiences I have had in my life. My up-bringing, my near death experience, and my work experience in the health field, all give me a great foundation for becoming a Nurse.

My path began as a child growing up in a military family. My up -bringing as a "military brat," has given me a lot of invaluable life experience. First of all, military brats are good at adapting to change. For example, By the age of nineteen I had lived in, Germany, Texas, Mississippi, and Missouri. I have the ability to adapt well in new and stressful situations. Secondly, being a "military brat," I went to Department of Defense schools and had great educational opportunities. For example, while in High School, I participated in Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps. This program gave me leadership traits including, integrity, dependability, initiative, unselfishness, courage, and loyalty. Lastly, being a "military brat" has given me an appreciation for cultural diversity. For instance, I was taught to look at the person as a whole, and not just the color of their skin. This experience has given me the ability to work and care for different people more effectively. These experiences help me as a Nurse to better identify with different people during their time of need.

My dream of becoming a Nurse, started with a near death experience. At the age of four-teen I suffered a life changing experience. I had a benign tumor eating away at my 7th cervical vertebrae (C7). My family was living in Wurzburg, Germany at the time, and we were medically evacuated to Walter Reed Hospital in Washington D.C. where I underwent surgery to take out the tumor and replace the vertebrae with the top of my hip bone. This experience gave me a passion to become a Nurse. In addition, this experience helped me become more comfortable in health care settings. Even to this day, I do not feel uncomfortable in hospitals. Most importantly, this experience helped me to look at life differently. I walked away from my surgery a goal to live life to the fullest, and never give up on my dreams. I started my dream by becoming a Certified Nurse Assistant.

Working years as a Certified Nurse Assistant (C.N.A), has given me hands-on experience and inspiration for my career goals to become a Nurse. To begin with, my years as a C.N.A, have taught me that I am good at caring for other people. I am often humbled to hear for employers and patients, that I am very good as a C.N.A. In addition, my work experience has given me confidence and determination to take the next step of becoming a Nurse. Lastly, my work experience has given me a passion to work with Dementia and Alzheimer's patients.

The experiences I have had in my life have helped me become a stronger person. My childhood, my surgery, and my job as a C.N.A. are all like steps, laying one on top of each other, leading up to a great career in Nursing.
OP alittlehelp 1 / 3  
Apr 11, 2011   #2
I am thinking of re-writing to focus on my Certified Nurse Assistant experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 12, 2011   #3
focus on my Certified Nurse Assistant experience

That could be good, but the most important thing is to have a great theme that intrigues the reader. What is your awesome, interesting concept?

Do not capitalize the word nurse, because it is not a proper noun.

No comma necessary here: My up -bringing as a "military brat" has given...

Again here, do not use a comma:
My dream of becoming a nurse started with a near death experience. -----HEY!! I suggest making this excellent sentence the first sentence of the essay.

No hyphen in fourteen:
At the age of fourteen I suffered...

I had a benign tumor eating away at my 7th cervical vertebrae (C7). ---was it actually affecting the vertebrae, or was it just located there. Do not say eating away unless it was actually doing something to the vertebrae.

Very nice job here. As you prepare to revise, think of your single most important aspiration... the contribution you want to make as a nursing professional.

Also, google this for good ideas: nursing theory
Also: nursing philosophy

You can cite some nursing theorists, like Watson, Rogers, etc. and you will be even more impressive!
Sri 2 / 4  
Apr 12, 2011   #4
Hello Kevinand little help,

Am I the only one in thinking that you also have to potray your financial inability to succeed in getting scholarship ?
OP alittlehelp 1 / 3  
Apr 12, 2011   #5
Thank you EF-Kevin and Sri,

Thank you EF-Kevin for your in-put. I will be revising to include your advise. Your right about the surgery. I should add more facts for clarification. Yes, it was affecting the vertebrae to the point of almost paralyzing me from the neck down. The tumor was dissolving the vertebrae.

Sri, I should have been clearer about the Scholarship requirements or set up. This is actually the second part in the three question essay response section of the scholarship. The first question deals with how I will contribute to the under serviced population. In which case, the first essay is about my goal of becoming a Dementia/Alzheimer Nurse in St. Louis. The third question deals with how committed I am to becoming a nurse. This is where I plan to focus on my financial need. So, I don't want to repeat information with only 2500 characters as a max.

Thanks again for the help!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 13, 2011   #6
The tumor was dissolving the vertebrae.

Okay, I see. The sentence gave me the impression that you were exaggerating. Don't take offense! :-) I am just telling you the effect it had on me as a reader. So... if you add a few words to explain how it was affecting the vertebrae, that might make it a lot better. However, it might just be that I am tripping out about it unnecessarily. :-)


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