it's a scholarship essay from a hospital, Thank you!
prompt: please write an essay introducing yourself, identifying your mentors, sharing your goals and expectations, and describing why you should receive a scholarship. please place an emphasis on why you have chosen the health care field and how you see yourself contributing to the community.
Nothing in the world is comparable to the gleaming smiles you see on patients when a Nurse nurtures and cares for them.Since Childhood, the career of Nursing has interested me profoundly. Having been introduced to many different basic careers as a child, the idea of caring for the sickly has been glued to my mind since the day I announced, " I want to be a Nurse", in my Kindergarden Graduation.Many people choose careers when they're young but lack the motivation and passion to do so. I am pleased to say that choosing my career path was an easy decision for me.
My Inspirations for Nursing sparked in my early middle school years. After living with a sickly parent who did not receive the help that she needed, it urged me to make a difference in the Nursing Profession so that future patients will leave the Hospitals with less of a weight on their backs and leave with hope instead. I believe that I will make a big difference and enjoy the challenges that will be set before me and accomplish them.As a Nurse, I desire to give my undivided attention and compassion to patients who suffer with anxiety, depression, etc. and all sorts of illnesses while devoting myself to the job.
While challenging myself with Honors courses in High school, I decided to invlove myself in many extracurricular activities. Since the start of my Freshman year, I was involved in the "Charlotte High school Drama Department" in which I performed in many Musical Productions. I am also a member of the Charlotte High Vocal Music having a place in Varsity Choir for two years.Aside from school activities, I'm an active member of my church, participating in many outreach activities. I also took part in vacation bible school teaching children between the grades of 1st-5th and being apart of a six-week sign language class so that I can communicate with deaf patients. Having a shy personality, I was taught great social skills that would benefit me as a Nurse.
Wanting to gain insight on the Health Care Field also volunteered at Fawcett Memorial Hospital for 84 hours before deciding to volunteer at this hospital in which I currently have 76 Hours of community Service. I've volunteered at the education office, front desk, emergency room, pediatrics, and currently OB. Working at all these different departments gave me a better understanding of what my surroundings would be and how a Hospital Functions. In the beginning of my Junior Year in High School, I joined a class in which I was taught the basics in being in the Health Care Field. At the completion of the course, I was certified in First Aid and CPR.
My fours years in High School have been tough but thanks to my mentors, I have successfully pushed through difficult journeys. Moving down to Florida without an average literacy rate, My teacher, Mrs. Schneider, has helped me learn great test-taking skills while preparing me for college. Along with stress, she was able to make me into a stronger person by pushing me even harder.She also helped me make difficult decisions by giving me great advice. Being A Nurse for more than 17 years, My Mother has also given me the motivation to strive to do better than I normally do.
With this Scholarship, My tuition, books, and housing costs would be paid for and the Financial strain of college would lessen. This application can can also inhance internship opportunities for me which I will benefit me when I will apply for Graduate school to get my Masters. With all this said, I will continue to push myself to suceed in the health care field.
Hello Phelisha,
From my point of view, I would say that the sentence, in the quote below, sounds like you are trying to compare yourself with others. That is not a bad thing, although I'm sure they receive many applications, like yours, so let them do the comparisons.
My opinion is that you should talk more about yourself, and not make comparisons.
Now, if you want to keep that sentence, make sure you write positive things about the people your comparing yourself with. :)
Many people choose careers when they're young but lack the motivation and passion to do so. I am pleased to say that choosing my career path was an easy decision for me.
This sentence doesn't sound right to me. *.*
My fours years in High School have been tough but thanks to my mentors, I have successfully pushed through difficult journeys
Instead, I would write this: My four years in High School have been tough. Thanks to my mentors, because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have pushed myself through many difficult journeys.
Best Regards,
Try not to capitalize unnecessarily. When in doubt, don't.
Do not capitalize high school, and do not capitalize these words:
Since Childhood childhood, the career of Nursing nursing has interested me profoundly.
Having been introduced to many different basic careers as a child, the idea of caring for the sickly has been glued to my mind since the day I announced, " I want to be a Nurse nurse", in my Kindergarden kindergarten graduation.
After living with a sickly parent who did not receive the help that she needed, it urged me I felt compelled to make a...
difference in the Nursing Profession so that future patients will leave the Hospitals hospitals with less of a...
Here is a good example to show you when to capitalize:
Wanting to gain insight on the Health Care Field health care field, I also volunteered at Fawcett Memorial Hospital for 84 hours before deciding to volunteer at ...-----The only part to capitalize is the name of Fawcett Memorial Hospital, because it is a proper noun (i.e. a name)
this hospital in which I currently have 76 Hours hours of community Service service.
:-)
