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Obstacles in my life (no father, sick mother, and diseases consuming my family)

chuncky13 8 / 13  
Jan 9, 2010   #1
Is there anything else you would like to tell us about that may help us evaluate your nomination (I.e. personal characteristics, obstacles you have overcome)?

In my life I have overcame many hurdles , but I never let them bring me down. As a child not having a father in my life was challenging. My mother lost her job for a period of time, putting our family on welfare to survive. She has also been through numerous life threatening surgeries. Many family members have died because of diseases that run through the families' genes. These mountains that I have managed to cross have only made me a stronger person.

Recently, I met my father, he is a great man that had a bad situation. As a child growing up, I looked around and all I saw were children with two parents, not one. I didn't have two parents. I cried many nights wishing that God would send me a father, even if he wasn't mine. One day, in the third grade, my class was asked question about our families', including question about our parents. It turned out that I was the only child of thirty students in the class not to have a father in his life. My friends teased me for days. Even though I look back at the incident and know that we were children, it still hurts. I'll never forget that day. My dad is an honorable man, because he left my life in order to fix his life and come back to raise mine.

A year of reality came when my mother loss her job, right after the terorist attack of September 11th, and we were put on welfare. Months of colds days in the winter and boiling hot days in the summers were endured because we couldn't afford a high electricity bill. Cereal for dinner was routine because the food stamps were sufficient. A positive that came out of this was that I learned the value of family bonding. Because we couldn't afford gifts or going out, during birthdays or Christmas, creativity and quality time was a huge part of my time. My family and I became a unit, without one another we wouldn't have made it.

My mother is a very unhealthy woman. She has gone through five heart wrenching surgeries. Many times I was up all night, thinking, praying, crying, and wishing for a miracle. Weather the surgery be the removal of a gall bladder or a total hysterectomy, emotionally I was impacted the same. I remember one night, my mom woke up in agonizing pain, the paramedics rushed her to the Tampa General Hospital screaming. She had a huge cyst on her ovaries, measuring 11cm by 14cm. Thank God that it wasn't cancerous. Following this surgery were two additional cyst surgeries, the removal of a gall bladder, and a total hysterectomy. My mom also has dealt with high blood pressure, asthma, and bronchitis. These conditions also have me worried all the time for her health.

My mother has been through so much, yet, she still keeps going no matter what. She's never let anything drag her down. She is a marvelous woman, who I would proudly call my mother.

The worst obstacle I had to tackle unexpectedly was the deaths in my family due to diseases. My family has had to endure so much pain due to missed people. So many close people to me have slipped away and others were yanked from my heart. One of my best friends was my grandmother's older sister, Carmella Merren, also known a Big Mama. Big Mama was the nicest person in the world, indeed she scolded me from time to time, but that's part of being an adult. She would buy me a min-candy bar every Friday and she would have it waiting for me for when I came home from school. I always came home with a smile. It killed me inside to find out that she had cancer in her face. Slowly she wasted away gradually mutilating pieces of my heart and soul. A month after her horrifying death, three of my family member died with because of cancer as well. This completely through my family off rhythm. Pain and suffering came like a non-stop train for my family.

Overcoming these three obstacles have made me a stronger person, emotionally. I have learned how to survive without luxuries, depend on my family, and understand that people die, but we have to keep living, taking advantage of every single moment we live.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Jan 9, 2010   #2
Hi, home-boy! (I am in Tampa;)

There are many grammatical errors, I'm afraid, but before we address them, I would like to see you remove some of the personal details of your mom's medical history - as horrible as they may be - and talk more about how you overcame your many obstacles to success. Many young people might have become so overwhelmed that their grades would suffer; they might even have given up on school altogether.

Talk more about how you handled all the bad things that happened - how you persevered. Did you keep your grades up? If so, how did you manage not to let your home life and family troubles interfere with your goals.

If you think of the scholarship board as an entity that is tasked with finding not only the most needful and deserving student, but also the student who is most likely to succeed and benefit and persevere - no matter what happens, then you will get an idea of how to convince them that you are the right choice.

Let me know if you have any questions, meanwhile, I look forward to your revisions!

Blue skies, Jose!
tom8820 - / 1  
Jan 13, 2010   #3

I was going to say exactly the same as jeannie. I think that you should talk more about how all of these adversities forged the person you are right now. Your story is interesting and touching but I think that you should talk more about yourself rather than just tell and tell and tell and tell what are the horrible things that have happened to your family. This is actually what your essay is about right now.

Specifically tell us what was going on through your mind when all of this occurred and how you managed to think more positively.

Good luck.

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