Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans...
When I was in my elementary school, my parents and I talked about who I want to be in the future. The point that I always remember is when my father told me that people is a social being who required other support. Hence, people need to contribute to their surrounding by being helpful for them. Additionally he added that every people had their own way to be helpful for others, for instance father teach high school students and mother is an officer at a local police department. And for myself, I believe that the field of Occupational Health and Safety which attracted me since my first semester in university is my way to do something for society, a broad way to be helpful especially for my company employees and business partner employees.
As we know, Occupational Health and Safety is applicable anywhere there is a workplace, for instance oil and gas industry, mining industry, manufacture industry, construction industry, hospital etc. Each industry has its own difficulties base on the process. All the problems ocurred, require vary solutions to maintain company good HSE performances (zero incident, zero occupational disease, and zero environmental damage). In order to achieve that a company need to maintaine its process safety and personal safety which are field I want to pursue my master degree.
Regarding to my future career as I return to my country, I want to become a practitioner in industries to solve Occupational Health and Safety problems in the workplaces both for process safety and personal safety especially for xxx national companies such as xxx. Moreover, I will maintain good HSE performances (zero incident, zero occupational disease, and zero environmental damage) in the company i work in, so every worker both of my company employees and other business partner employees applied safety during their work and be home safely to be together with their family. Later, I want to strengthen Ministry of Man Power especially xxx department by applying to be one of their expertise. In addition, I want to have some contribution in academic development of Occupational Health and Safety by being a guest lecturer in some universities. To support this activities, I will use my theoretical sight, practitioner sight, and international collaboration through chevening in order to gather most recent appropriate material. Lastly, I plan to share my knowledge trough writing. I am going to create a personal blog and write some short articles about Occupational Health and Safety. Those articles are prepared to be the content of my future textbook that will be written in literate way.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Debby, you wasted the first half of the essay speaking about things that are just fillers. These were not related directly to the prompt being provided and therefore, did not help your application at all. I suggest that you revise the response so that you are not wasting valuable word count. Begin the essay from your statement about the future of your career in your country. Clarify the points you made in that paragraph and make sure to discuss it to the point where your intentions for your career become evident upon your return. The discussion is too simple and does not carry any weight at all when considering the degree of difficulty and responsibility included in the studies for your masters course.
Divide the paragraph into two topics. The first topic would be about your work improvement plans upon your return. The second discussion in a new paragraph would cover the discussion regarding how you plan to get the government to help you address your work concerns. Then your last paragraph, should pay tribute to the work the UK has done in your country in terms of helping to keep the workforce safe. Look up information regarding foreign government cooperation with regards to workplace safety.
