Hello It is my first essay. I want Singapore scholarship. Please help me. I know It have many mistake, but my English is not very good.
Thank you very much!!
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One Life
Did you listen to "It's my life" ? This is my favorite song because I think it has excellent meaning. The lyrics of this song give me an inspiration that is significant for my life. I have one life only, so I am supposed to use my life worthily. Maybe I do not have an opportunity to do something passed. For all that, I must do every opportunity that happen to me in future. I will plan my life to be three period.
First period, I must study hard in order that I get into university that I want. I want to be an accountant. Thus, I want to study accounting in famous university. After I graduate from university, I will work with State Enterprises like my father. I will save my money for the future while I am an accountant. This period I will intend to work.
Second period, It is time for me to do anything what I want. For example, I will travel to beautiful places, eat foods and desserts, make a snowman from snow, etc. I think this time is very amazing. Every day in this period, I work ordinarily. I just have a relax time more than First period. If I find interesting thing, I will do it. It was vital for me to do amusing things before I die. Moreover, I will marry with the man who I love.
Finally period, I think this time I will be elderly woman. Therefore, I will open a bakery and accounting office in my home. I love breads and desserts. I like to live with the things what I love. It make me so happy. I do not know how long that I am alive, but I used my life satisfyingly.
To summarize, one life can do many things. Some of the sentence in my favorite song are "It's my life. And it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever." I agree with these sentences. It is worthwhile doing anything that happen in your life. Consequently, I conspire my life before I die to be three period. It helps me to use my one life easily.
Did youHave you ever listened to "It's my life" ? This is my favorite song because I think it has excellent meaning. The lyrics of the song give me an inspiration that isinspires me a significant of my life. I have one life only, soAs I live once, I am supposed to use my life worthily. Maybe I do not have an opportunity to do something passed. For all that, I must do every opportunity that happen to me in future.(I can't really figure out the meaning of this sentence, so I think you better try to explain it in another way.)These are three things I have planned to do for my life during my stay
Firstly , I must study hard in order that Ito get into the university that I want. I want to be an accountant. Thus, I want to study accounting in famous university. After I graduate from university, I would like to work withat State Enterprises like my father. I also would like to save my money for the future while I work as an accountant. period I will intend to work.
Secondly , It is a time for me to be intent on what I want. For example, my intentions are traveling to beautiful places, eating foods and desserts , making a snowman from snow , etc. I think this time is very amazing. Every day in this period, I work ordinarily. I just have a relax time more than First period. If I find interesting thing, I will do it. It was vital for me to do amusing things before I die. Moreover, I will marry with the man who I love.It will be very amazing to live life more relax than stress with the work. Moreover, I would like to get married with a man I love
Finally period , I think this time I will be elderly woman. Therefore, I will open a bakery and accounting office in my home. I love breads and desserts. I like to live with the things what I love. It make me so happy. I do not know how long that I am alive, but I used my life satisfyingly.I would like to live with the things I love when I become older. I love bread and dessert, so my dream is to open a bakery and accounting office in my hometown. It will make me very happy to accomplish my goal. I do not know how long I can live, therefore; I want to satisfy myself as much as I can.
To summarize, one life can do many things. Some of the sentences in my favorite song are "It's my life. And it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever." I agree with these sentences. It is worthwhile doing anything that happens in your life. Consequently, I conspire my life to be in three sections. It helps me to use my one life easily.(or you can say 'usefully')
These are some I can pick out, hope this will help!
Well i am not a expert to give to give you my feedback , I am a novice like you.
But still i would like to add few thing. Your way of starting the essay is good but i think the divisions of the period of your life could have been written better.
I especially find the second stage to be a misfit. In fact the things that u have highlighted can be done while you are working or studying, There need not be any separate stage in your life for that.
There are few sentence construction and grammatical errors.
Well anyway!!! All the best and may you get in your dream university
