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One of the few object that is very important to me is my piano - Essay for Transferring Colleges


samiisprink 2 / 2  
Dec 22, 2014   #1
1)In an essay, describe one object that is important to you. Explain what values it represents, and comment on those values. No more than 500 words.

Most people would've easily answered this question and come up with hundreds of things that are important to them. I on the other hand, had to really think about what to write when I answered this question. I have things that I like and enjoy, but there aren't many things that I couldn't live without. One of the few objects that is very important to me is my piano. I've owned the same piano for almost 10 years. It is important to me because it has helped me learn to appreciate all music, valuable life lessons, and what it means to be passionate about something.

My piano is important to me because it has helped me learn to appreciate all music. Before I started playing I only listened to cheesy pop music. While I was learning how to play, I became obsessed with classical music and I only played classical pieces. As the years went by, I started to play different genres of music, until I was completely immersed in all types of music. I have learned that there are more genres of music worth playing than just classical and that they are all beautiful. Whether I enjoy listening or playing that particular song or not, all music has become important to me.

My piano has also taught me valuable life lessons. One lesson being the importance of hard work and determination. One of the most challenging parts about playing the piano is learning all of the time signatures, symbols, rhythms, and having to memorize all of them for one piece of music. Frustration is a common side effect and it takes an abundance of determination to cancel it out. Patience is also something that I learned. Learning one piece could take months to learn. Every time I start learning a new song it challenges my patience. Especially when I've been stuck on the same part of a song for weeks. Even though this sounds tiring, I treasure these moments every time I play because I know in the end it is worth it.

The most important value that I have learned is passion. It is an amazing feeling to sit in front of an instrument and and know that by just pressing a few keys you can create something beautiful. The feeling of my heart getting chills when I play that perfect cord or when I get goosebumps because I know I've played something amazing is the best feeling in the world. It is these feelings that give me the passion to play every day.

My piano is one of the few important things in my life that are important to me. It has taught me to appreciate all music, valuable life lessons, and what I am passionate about. It is amazing to think there is so much value in a simple object given to me a decade ago and as time goes by, I will find even reasons as to why it is important to me.

I would appreciate comments and suggestions. Thank you!
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 23, 2014   #2
Ashley, your essay is exhausting to read because of the repetitive use of the words "My piano". Almost every sentence and paragraph starts with that word, causing reading fatigue. Try to use different terms to refer to the piano. In fact, if you take pains to revise your paragraphs, you will find that you need not refer to the object in each and every paragraph or sentence. You just need to establish that you will be discussing the piano and the values it has taught you about life which, by the way, is quite short and under developed for an essay that is supposed to be centered on that topic as per the prompt requirements. Try to revise the last paragraph as well which explains why you love your piano and how you cannot imagine your life without it. Instead, just close the essay by explaining how you appreciate the life lessons you have learned from the simple object that your brother gave you ten years ago.
OP samiisprink 2 / 2  
Dec 23, 2014   #3
Thank you for the corrections. I'm new here and I was wondering if I could repost my corrected essay in the same thread. Also, if I did, if you don't mind could you reread it for me please to make sure it's good. I'm not really good at writing essays. Thank you again.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 23, 2014   #4
Hey Ashley :-) Of course you can repost your edited essay in this thread and I would love to review it for you and guide you towards it completion. Since you are new at this forum, I guess you are not very familiar with how it works yet. It works this way:

1. Post your essay draft then wait for comments and reviews from other users.
2. Revise the essay based upon the comments and reviews that you consider to be helpful.
3. Post the revision in the same thread.
4. Wait for more comments and reviews.
5. If more changes are needed, you need to repeat steps 2-4.
6. Let us know when you feel the essay is completed from your point of view :-)
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 26, 2014   #5
My piano is important to me.. .
- You can actually skip this part and go directly to the portion that discusses the life lessons that you learned. That is the important aspect of the essay prompt that you wrote as it directly addresses the prompt requirements. It will also limit the repetitiveness that your essay seems to be prone to in relation to the way the phrase "My piano" is constantly used throughout.


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