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Scholarship Posts: 9

ONE OF THE REASON TO STUDY IN UK IS BECAUSE OF HARRY POTTER - CHEVENING


widyawkl 1 / 1  
Oct 5, 2018   #1
Chevening asking why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future. (minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

WHY STUDYING IN UK



Film of Harry Potter is the first thing which draw my attention about UK. This film showed the remarkable Britain's architecture and culture as well as the striking British English accent. In my opinion British English accent is unique and sound gorgeous, although it is hard to spell especially for non- English native such like me, so need more practice. Therefore, my interest to know more about UK increase. Harry Potter film lead me to be more curious and guide me to learn more about UK.

What actually interests me a lot more is the fact that UK have beautiful flower especially for roses. It is found to be the most beautiful rose in the world. Furthermore, my sister-in-law and me love gardening and plant flower, both of us really love roses. English roses' variety which terribly attract our intention is David Austin Rose. It is the result of roses breeding program with the character and fragrance of old garden roses but with the repeat-flowering ability and wide colour range of modern rose. Therefore, this is showed the advancement of UK's agriculture technology especially in plant breeding.

According to my undergraduate background in agriculture major, beside English roses, I found that UK also have many other agriculture improvement. For example, TomTato or Pomato which has been described as a "veg plot in a pot". Pomato plants is a combination of potato and tomato plant. This plant is one of amazing invention and have been seen as a new technology to make food production more efficient. As Chevening awardee, I could apply this technology to create a new variety of crop or plant to confront food security challenge this century.

Furthermore, I found that UK's farming system engage eco-friendly farming system since mid-17th. The development of better farm management lead to be more efficient in using workspace. Throughout this farming system could be a solution to enforce sustainable agriculture challenge which means to sustain food and environment.

Therefore, I have strong desire to attend master study in UK's university. I believe that by applying Chevening will make my dreams come true and gain my future purposes. I believe that Chevening scholarships will give proper training qualification in the subject concern as well as to gain experience in agriculture science, system and technology which lead to reach sustainable agriculture, environment and food security.

First of all, I have chosen University of ........ This university is the highest ranked in agriculture, forestry and food university in UK by The Guardian University Guide 2019. Secondly, I have chosen ....................course in University of XXXXX because of its reputation in world's agriculture development. Thirdly, I would like to attend University of YYYYYY because of its is one of the top ten best ranked university in agriculture, forestry and food university in UK by The Guardian University Guide 2019.

Holt [Contributor] - / 6,919 1721  
Oct 5, 2018   #2
Widya, it is very apparent that you did not understand the prompt requirement for the Selection of university courses prompt and that you disregarded even trying to understand the basics of its requirements. Please do yourself a favor and delete this essay in its totality. Harry Potter has nothing to do with your university background, your current job, nor your future academic interests. This is the kind of essay that gets scholarship applications rejected so do not, under any circumstance, use this essay. You must write a new essay that better services the prompt requirements for the Study in the UK prompt.

The Study in the UK essay must be written in the following format:

Par. 1 Introduce your college background. Include any areas of excellence and recognition that signify your ability to complete the masters course.
Par. 2 Describe your current profession and how it relates to your area of masters study interest. Present a career goal or objective for your studies

Par. 3-5 Discuss your university choice in relation to the masters course you wish to study. Make sure that you indicate your plans for your future career in relation to your field of study.

Par. 6 - conclude the essay by reiterating your desire to be educated in the UK as a part of your professional improvement. Add some significant information that will convince the reviewer that you will be serious about completing this course and that Chevening will play an integral role in your academic plans.
Xti02 8 / 15 9  
Oct 6, 2018   #3
Dear Widya

When I read your heading mentioning Harry Potter, I was immediately interested and curious how you would link that to your university courses. Unfortunately it seems that you misunderstood the purpose of the essay. The purpose is to convince the reviewers that you have done your homework on the UK universities and the courses they offer, and show that you have researched and identified exactly which ones would be the best for you (according to your background and future plans). Instead, you spend most of the essay trying to compliment them on their books, flowers and accents.

The only relevant part is your last paragraph. As the contributor has explained above, you need to take each of those universities and expand it into each own paragraph. Say something about the university, then explain the content of the course that you have chosen and why that would assist you in achieving your future plans.

And don't be vague when talking about the future: phrases like "it will make my dreams come true" and "it will gain my future purposes" doesn't say anything to the reviewer. Tell them what exactly it is in the agriculture industry that you want to achieve, and how this degree is an essential step in your career. You mentioned something about food security, which you could possibly expand on here.

If you want to show the reader something about your personality, you could possibly mention something like "studying in the land of Harry Potter, english roses and the "pomato"..." but don't let it be anything more than a passing comment and leave it out if it will distract from your main message or if your word count becomes tight.

I hope this helps.
corclla123 4 / 5 1  
Oct 7, 2018   #4
... the first thing that drew my attention to the UK

Your essay start is interesting, it immediately grabbed me but the body of the essay needs to be more focused on academics.
lowkey1395 - / 2 1  
Oct 7, 2018   #5
@widyawkl

Hello your premise is eye catching I'll give you that. I'm not sure though it answers the prompt of the essay... take note that your competition will bring a lot of experience and knowledge to the table, I doubt if any would be talking about harry potter.
OP widyawkl 1 / 1  
Oct 9, 2018   #6
thanks for the advice, really helped me
milomontang 1 / 6 2  
Oct 10, 2018   #7
dear Widya,

actually we are aiming for the same scholarship, Chevening.
I would like to give some comments on your essay.

your first two paragraphs gave an interesting opening that attract the reader's attention to keep reading the rest paragraphs. Unfortunately, the next paragraphs did not go well because you put general information that everyone can search on google instead. they did not present about why you choose those 3 universities, just focused on UK things in general.

i wish you can elaborate a strong relation between your previous/ current academic or professional experience to your study plan in the body paragraphs and do not merely mention the selected universities and courses names in the last paragraph. last paragraph should be a closing that strengthen your arguments on why does continuing your master degree on these universities matter to you and even better for your country.

i hope this may help you to improve :)
kartika_31 - / 1  
Oct 11, 2018   #8
Hi Widya..

I would like to give you my opinion on your essay.
Your first paragraph is really eyecatching, but unfortunately do not answer the given question. The rest of the essay not deeply explain appropriate and specific reason to study in UK.

You need to explain more about tour reason why you willing to study in UK towards your previous education, your professional career and your future career. In addition, you also need to explain three uviversity you have chosen, why you chose them and what their impact for you.
thithinwe 3 / 7 1  
Oct 11, 2018   #9
Hello,widyawkl.Nice to meet you.Firstly,you should follow the outlines provided by Holt.Secondly,you can not express very clearly and impressively the reasons why you want to choose agriculture,food technology and foresty since your reasons in these essays seem irrelevant.Instead of you just telling The Guardian University Guide,you should make proper research about your course;I mean why these courses in UK can provide differential advantages from other universities and which knowledge you will gain after finishing your courses and how will you contribute your society by using these knowledge.What I heard about from Chevening Programme was that they do so much prefer choosing different three courses from different three universities.Do not put Harry Potter and Roses as it seems childish.Try to be competitive,persuasive and show your strong desire to learn about these courses.Thank a lot.Have a good time.


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