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What should I do with the opening? (applying for a scholarship)


hilarydang 1 / 2  
Jul 6, 2009   #1
I've practiced writing for long but this is the first time I've ever applied for a scholarship. I found it difficult to open my essay in a creative and impressive way. The judge will choose only one among hundreds of competitors and here is their topic.

Explain why you're interested in attending our school, describing both what you might contribute to the school and what you would hope to gain from your experience there

It sounds simple and personal, right? But I really want to express myself in an unique way. Some say that long-sentences are good, but others say short-sentences are better. Can I put my private story to make up opening? Will the judge get rid of it? Do you guys have any ideas? Please, help me.

I'm really looking forward to having the answer. Thank you very much.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 6, 2009   #2
I'm really looking forward to having the answer.

Me too! If only it were so simple!

Listen: You can't choose between long or short sentence or make any other stylistic decisions until you have determined what you are going to say. Certainly, starting with a story is often an excellent idea, in which case you can lead with a vivid image or a bit of dialogue to draw the reader in.
OP hilarydang 1 / 2  
Jul 6, 2009   #3
Well, I got it. Actually, I've made up the outline of mine. I've also read a lot of essays and they're really polished. I can tell the judge my story or express my ideas sincerely. But the problem is, for me, that my style is a little simple. I usually write in a short, concise and easy way. Is it ok? Does it make my essay boring? Should I change my style? To tell the truth, I have no experience. In my hometown, the condition is poor and we just do everything based on theory.

Thank you very much for giving me your advice. It's suryly helpful to me!
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 6, 2009   #4
Direct, concise, active sentences are the most powerful.

But this is all, as you say, theory. We need to actually see what you've written to know if your writing is simple (good) or simplistic (bad).
OP hilarydang 1 / 2  
Jul 7, 2009   #5
Thank you very much. Can I have your email address?
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 7, 2009   #6
Post your essay here for feedback.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jul 7, 2009   #7
Conciseness is good. That said, the best writers employ a variety of sentence lengths and structures to keep their writing interesting. If all of its sentences are the same length, whether short, medium-length, or long, an essay will begin to wear on the reader.

Opening with a meaningful narrative, as you plan to do, is a strong technique for drawing the reader in, so you seem to be on the right track there. So, write up a draft and post it here, and we will try to give you more specific feedback on your personal writing style.


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