Organizational Psychiatry and Psychology, Business Psychology courses: Studying in the UK

Hi friends, please help me with give some suggestion on my essay :) thank you in advance

Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.

*Please do not duplicate the information you have entered on the work experience and education section of this form (minimum word count: 100 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

Chevening ESSAY : Studying in the UK Question

Graduated from Bachelor of Psychology majoring in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, currently I am working as a junior lecturer in Department of Industrial and Organizational Psychology in Faculty XX, Univ. XX. In order to become a lecturer, it is necessary for me obtain a master degree in relevant program study. Obtaining my master degree abroad will allow me to be exposed to the world-class quality education as well as expanding my network.

My first program study of choice is social and organizational psychology in University of Exeter. The modules offered the strong emphasis on behavioral science research skill. Moreover, I chose this program due its' unique nature which combine social and organizational psychology which has not been available in my own country. As an addition, for the past year I've done an observation in my own department. The research skill is a crucial area which we need to improve. Currently, our department have a number of experts in the applied domain of industrial and organizational psychology in my country, but their research skill is less developed. In my opinion, it is also necessary to develop our research skill. This program study also will become a stepping stone for me to cultivate a strong research culture in my home University.

My second preference is Organizational Psychiatry and Psychology in King's College London. This program is unique because it is focused on mental health issues in the workplace, which is one area of my interest. This issue has received insufficient attention, especially by the government and employers in the developing countries, such mine. Studies in the western world shows that workplace stress may have a pervasive effect on employees and reduce the productivity. Unfortunately, studies in such field is still very low in developing countries. Last month, I attended an international workshop on mental health policy issues. One of the main discussions which arose was inattention on mental health at work are very low due to the high stigma. Moreover, Industrial and Organizational Psychologist here haven't paid sufficient attention on this issue, therefore I keen to get a deeper knowledge, carry out researches, and promoting this issues into my society.

Business Psychology in University of Leeds becomes my third options. The Psychology of Effective Organizations is the most attractive course for me. It examines the psychological factors which influence the effectiveness of modern workplace in key behavioral spheres of activity. In studies of psychology, we have learnt that environment contributes to form and influence specific behavior. Environment help to develop mental framework that direct human behavior. Environment could be shaped and designed to promote workers' desirable organizational behavior such as effective behavior.

All of the courses I mentioned above will greatly advanced my career as a lecturer. Each courses will allow me to develop research skill as well as gain a wider critical perspective in Industrial and Organizational Psychology issues. Even more, I could establish a global network so that I can become an initiator of international collaboration between universities.

(498 words)

@bnrdhmsnt
Hello!
As per I am an applicant to Chevening Scholarship too, so I might not be the right person to evaluate your essay, but please find the following remarks:

= Graduated from Bachelor of Psychology ... --- you may use "of" instead and then add the name of the faculty directly. In my opinion you may delete this sentence and start with " I am working currently...."

= in Faculty XX, Univ. XX --- at university of XX , or XX university

= Each courses will allow ... research skills

Binari, you have obviously given a great deal of thought towards your university and course choices. Each paragraph contains a specific analysis of the course and an applicability towards your future career. All except your third choice. It seems that was an oversight on your part so all you have to do is add one or two sentences that will help you accomplish that. If it makes you run over the word count, then you can edit your final paragraph to become shorter so that you can meet the word requirement. After all, the global network reference should not be presented in this essay but in your networking essay instead. Overall, this is a solid piece of writing with some grammar issues which have already been addressed by Mariam. So I will not work on helping you correct that anymore. Apply both Mariam's and my advice to your revised essay in order to come up with your polished final version. It will be suitable for submission to the Chevening committee when you complete the two tasks provided to you by our individual advice.