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'passion for Aviation' - Engineering Scholarship - Sophomore in Uni


spike30 1 / 1  
Feb 14, 2012   #1
So here's a draft for my essay for my sophomore year in college.

The guidelines for the essay were: Write about your educational and career goals. Reasons for your choice of major. Specific qualifications you may have for your chosen field of study. Why the scholarship is important.

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" was the question my High School Yearbook writers asked me a few years ago. I instantly knew my reply to that question; I had known for a long time.

Planes have always been my prime desire. Ever since middle school whenever I would see a paper-plane fly I couldn't help but wonder what an amazing concept flying is. My love for flight and speed has always come first, and has aided me in making many important decisions in my life. It is this enthusiasm and motivation that truly propelled me towards choosing Aerospace Engineering as my field of study.

It did help that I was always exceptional at Mathematics and Physics. The highly logical and solution seeking nature of these two subjects have always attracted me. My father is an IB Physics teacher and he has been highly influential. All throughout my life, primarily due to my father's nature, the primary topic of discussion at the dinner table has nearly always been physics - be it bosons from particle physics, or parallel universes from astrophysics - and the amazingly logical manner in which these concepts came to being simply caught my heart.

My passion for Aviation, coupled with my love for Physics and Math is perfect for such a field. The fact that I achieved a 6 in Math HL and Physics HL, along with A*s in IGCSE Additional Mathematics, Mathematics and Physics only served to prove that my heart was in the right place. The decision between Space and Aero was a very difficult one. I knew that I would do well in both because I am highly motivated. While studying about space sounds a lot more intriguing than flying within the atmosphere, at this time in society it is as important to make practical decisions as it is to follow your heart. This factor proved conclusive for me when deciding my major.

Even though being educated is probably the most crucial aspect of being successful in any field, one needs to love whatever they do and be challenged by every step you take, not unlike what many people say, in order to do it to their maximum potential. I believe the Aerospace Engineering program at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University provides the challenge that keeps me stimulated along with the atmosphere that keeps my enthusiasm alive, and I believe this is the perfect mixture for my success.

This scholarship presents itself in a highly crucial scenario in my financial life. I am an International Student, which means that I simply cannot qualify for numerous scholarship opportunities, as I am not a US resident or Citizen. I believe that I have the mental and physical capability to succeed at this endeavor that I have taken, and thus I believe it is my responsibility that I take part of this burden upon myself. This scholarship is meant to contribute to my education - which I want to use to aid the world I live in. It is my dream that eventually I will be able to repay this world for all that I have taken from it. I wish to win this scholarship in the hope that for all the help I have received from Embry-Riddle and its staff I can, one day, repay ten-fold.

It is a long way to the fulfillment of my dream but, just like every drop that makes an ocean, this is my first significant step towards the ocean that is success.

I just want this to be proof-read, and am looking for any ideas that I can get on improving this? This scholarship is really important if I wanna continue my studies here.

Athena - / 83 3  
Feb 14, 2012   #2
Hi Arth,

I like your essay :) Just found a couple of things that I feel you should edit..


I instantly knew my reply to that question.; I had known for a long time.

Planes have always been my prime desire. (I think u should change it to something like: It has always amazed me/ interested me/ fascinated me, etc)

All throughout my life, primarily due to my father's nature, the primary(There's a repetition of 'primary' in the line, try changing it to something else) topic of discussion at the dinner table has....

I wish to win this scholarship in the hope that for all the help I have received from Embry-Riddle and its staff I can, one day, repay ten-fold. (Mention how u are going to repay - Is it by using your degree to help the community?)

Good Luck on your scholarship application!!!
OP spike30 1 / 1  
Feb 14, 2012   #3
Thanks a lot!

Do you think I should elaborate a LOT more on how I will repay? I wrote a very basic draft:

I wish to win this scholarship in the hope that for all the help I have received from Embry-Riddle and its staff I can, one day, repay ten-fold by using my degree to contribute to our society to provide solutions, not further questions, to all persisting problems - giving meaning to my life and consequently spreading the knowledge of Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University and its true worth to the entire world.
Athena - / 83 3  
Feb 14, 2012   #4
The sentence is perfect!! (There's no grammatical mistake as well.) Stick with it..I don't think that you've got to add anything else..cuz this sentence is already long. :)

Cheers!


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